I have overcome my greatest fear

Suddenly there was an email. Whether I would like to host an event for BBC First. Just between you and me: the last time I ‘presented’ something in front of an audience was probably a school presentation. About my rabbit. No joke. ‘I can't do that at all?!’ I echoed through the editorial office. ‘Of course you can, Kiek, just talk in front of a few people, you can do it!’, said May.

And then it was D-day. Okay, don't let Kiki Paniekie freak out now, breathe in, breathe out. Yes, it would be for a group of journalists in a small cinema room. Yes, always charming Barry Atsma would be present to talk about his role in the new lawyer series The Split. Could I also do a live Q&A with him on stage? Two chairs would be set up and two glasses of water. Annick would come along for mental support. ‘Tickets and camera are ready. Do I need to bring anything else?’ she texts me in the morning. ‘THE CALM ITSELF’ I text back. ‘AND DEO. DON'T FORGET THE DEO. Seriously Annick, do you have deo, HAHA?’

Arriving at the location, I can’t help but switch to some sort of autopilot. ‘Hello, there is absolutely no time for panic, there is a show here that needs to be hosted with three talks from my side. And we can either make it all very embarrassing by whining, or you can show that you can handle this just fine. They didn’t ask you for nothing, right?’ echoes in my head. Okay, I can do this. Britney survived 2007, I can handle today.

The room goes quiet. The lights are focused on me. Holy fuckers, now or never. I clear my throat and begin. During talk 1, the paper shakes a bit. ‘Didn’t see that, Kiek, hello, you rocked it!’, says Annick, with whom I wanted to high five about twelve times throughout the day. Time for talk two. It actually goes pretty smooth. Am I seriously making jokes during talk three now? Damn, man, I’m still alive. I didn’t faint. My skull didn’t explode. I didn’t throw up on stage. Or over Barry. No, actually, it just went pretty well. A little seven hours later, our gin and tonic glasses clink together. Don’t ask me how, but Kiki Paniekie was home. Kiki Presentatriki was taking over the place.

Why did I actually want to do all this? The experience. Those who always and only stay within their comfort zone snooze. Of course, you can arrange your life so that everything feels comfortable. Not too many new things, not doing things you find exciting, and no challenges. That’s certainly possible. The difference? You live, but you don’t really LIVE. So you understand: from now on, I am available for all your parties, events, and presentations. At least... in a YEAR again, okay? First, I need to recover from those three new gray hairs.

I did it, woeeeeehoeeeeeee!

P.S: a final tip for anyone who has to speak in public soon and finds it terrifying: Make sure to make eye contact with the friendly-looking people in the audience. It really affects your mood and confidence.

P.P.S: Especially don’t imagine that people are naked because that doesn’t work at all. I suddenly saw a guy in front of me sitting with a hairy ball sack on one of those red soft cinema chairs – and ewww. Don’t do that.