KIKI MOLLOTENBRABBELS
week 9
Ha, my enthusiastic little molliebollie. Do you also realize that it's almost time to say goodbye? Next week it's over, man. Schluss. Alles ist vorbei. Really sucks, bye molloten. I also think we can rightly say that this has been the strangest season of WIDM ever. We don't know who the fucking mole is. We seriously don't know. 35 percent is on Ruben, 33 percent on Jan, and 32 percent on Olcay. Has it EVER been this close?
“A reserved musician, a presenter full of ambition, and an eccentric fashion designer. It's a beautiful trio,” as Art charismatically says in his own way. For a herd of sheep. In his Waldemar Torenstra Divorce jacket. That Art, what a dream job that guy has. This week the finalists end up at the Georgian observatory, seems like Lada is the main sponsor of the program AND everyone is preparing for the option to look the Mole straight in the eyes. You understand: there's plenty to babble about again. Buckle up, here we go.
1. Who couldn't hold back their inner child during the moon task? “In the moonlight. In the moonlight. I climbed up the little stairs to the window frame.” What a ridiculous text actually. Explain it to me. How does a centipede who is a shoeshiner sing? And how will fat aunt Tee feel in this whole story? The poor dear.
2. Oioioi. This task is equivalent to André Kuijpers' average wet dream. But wait, they only have thirty minutes for the star task. Why is no one RUNNING? I totally don't get it. Olcay, do you even know what running is? Or only when you need to pee?
3. Welcome to Jan's dictionary, page 31, line 6: Pimple.
The meaning of pimple is: (Informal) very large, enormous; extraordinarily large (in size and quantity). For example: “There stands a pimple of a telescope.”
4. If Ruben says one more time this episode that it's all ‘not rocket science’, I'm going to stick that telescope up his ass. I mean it. Full moon next level shit.
5. “I am completely euphoric. This is amazing. I... I could almost... CRY! I felt like I had experienced a journey of discovery at breakneck speed. As if I – yes... As if I was part of the universe myself!!” *If at the end of the season it finally becomes clear that it wasn't sugar in Olcay's coffee...
6. We are all going to miss the conversations between Olcay and Jan so intensely when the whole circus is over.
Olcay: “Hey Jan, have you noticed that the puzzle pieces fit together?
Jan: “I think so. That's the idea of a puzzle...”
7. The biggest saboteur is definitely Olcay, who makes us believe that we are watching The Worst Driver in the Netherlands instead of Who is the Mole? And what kind of boring task is this towards the end? Are we following an ANWB Course Lada Niva?
8. The tweet that genuinely makes me snicker with laughter. Thanks to @NinaJuffermans.
9. HAHAHA. “I HAVE RUBEN DOWN, HE IS THE MOLE BECAUSE HE COULDN'T FIND THE HANDLE OF THE HOOD.” Jan says to Olcay. Who also couldn't find the handle. Brilliant.
10. But wait: What if Olcay is the Mole?! Who is the winner if no one is on her in the test? HAHAHA. It would be so epic.
11. Although, Jan is also seriously trying to make Ruben suspicious to Olcay. It doesn't seem very smart at this stage of the game for a candidate to share ALL crucial info with Olcay. Would you even do that as a candidate?
12. Suppose, huh. Ruben is a candidate. Then he should know damn well that Olcay and Jan both suspect him and are therefore wrong? Then he could just as well have chosen the longest route where he would see the Mole. He would win anyway and that way he would at least be 100 percent sure of the Mole. Unless... Aha. Okay, I'm officially going crazy this season.
13. Colorful evening. Jan in a suit. Me. Melting. Off. Couch. Sigh. Swoon. Lick. You can see him thinking too: ‘Is anyone still watching the hairy satay stick at this moment? Nope. I’m hot as hell modafokaz.‘
Two seconds later when karma comes around: PRODUCTION! HEIMLICH! ANYONE?! THAT GUY IS CHOKING!!
Olcay: “Know somebody call an ambulance?”
14. Okay um. This was really the dullest final task ever ever ever EVER. Where is the orchestra? The flashbacks? The nature orgy? The goosebumps moment? No one chooses to stand face to face with the mole? Seriously? Pffff what an anticlimax.
15. Yep, here we go again. With that TV in the hotel room. The Georgian version of Temptation Island had to make way for Art's freckled little head. Who. Is. The. Mole? We – ALSO THE CANDIDATES – will only find out next week. Good grief, what a plot twist again.
16. Good. Since we all don't know a damn thing this year. Time for three Mole scenarios and what we would think of them.
- Suppose Jan is the Mole: how wonderfully has he played the candidate?
- Suppose Ruben is the Mole: why have the creators laid it on so thick so quickly? A bit boring, that obvious clumsy mole behavior.
- Suppose Olcay is the Mole: APPLAUSE for the creators. And Mrs. Gülsen herself.
Current standings?
(We dare to take one last shot)
Intense Mole alert
Olcay, Jan & Ruben. NEVERMIND OKAY.
P.S.: Is it already time to admit that we have been totally fooled by the producers this year? That doesn't matter. But it is true. Heart at the bottom if you are also totally lost and can't wait for la grande finale next week.
P.P.S.: Want more laughs about WIDM brain farts? Check my Insta Stories at @kikiduren. See ya next week!
