Kiki’s Temptation Island VIP Brabbels
Joejoe cheese croquettes! Ready to Rel with a capital R? And we thought that Tempah Vips would be a pale imitation of the normal version. That those ‘very important persons’ would never go off the rails on national TV. They still don't really, but I'm telling you: shit is coming. Or as Bizzey's musical contribution brilliantly summarizes this episode: ‘There's sex in the aiir. Sex is in the aiir.’
The question is who will be the first to not keep their hands to themselves. Niels? (Can someone please make a song from his ‘I'm singleeeee’-dance from last week?) Stefano? Ruud who now has to give his crows a tug four times a day just to keep up? Or is it Don? I honestly thought that if anyone wouldn't cheat this season it would be him, but since the drunken date with Danique, I don't dare to put my hand in the fire for that anymore. You get it: it's time to start babbling again.
1. If you're wondering how to get those cool Roy Donders curls in your hair like Yolan; I'll make a tutorial next week. Spoiler: something about sleeping on a waffle iron.
2. Hahaha, when Fabiola tries to comfort Niels and nothing seems to work because she contradicts him exactly. Love it. Or no, nowadays you have to say ‘loef it’, right? That's cooler. I loef. She LOEFFFT. There's sex in the LOEEEEFT.
3. Does Fabiola really say: ‘I just find this disrespectful?’ Can I get a round of applause for ‘everyone-will-see-what-a-dirty-pig-you-are-Daniëlle’? Who introduced a completely non-existent word last season that people with an IQ below centipede level immediately adopt? Ha. Ha. Ha.
4. Meanwhile in Niels' mailbox...
Customer service | feestartikelenvoorgangsters.nl
Today, 10:41
Dear Mr. Van der Zanden. We have contacted your management seven times now but have not received a response. Could you please return the ‘Al Capone XL Big Boss’ hat? There are also four invoices outstanding from Rosanna, see below.
– Carnival costume sister dress 36/38 with free mega band-aid
€14,30
Article: 10101520
– Sexy maid dress adults
€44,95
Article: 100196
– Nun costume complete ladies
€39,95
Article: 10017676
– Pamela Anderson Baywatch costume
€62,95
Article: 10020972
If you do not respond to the message below within 48 hours, we will be forced to take further action.
Regards,
Party Supplies for Gangsters
5. Honestly, Ruud just keeps coming with those one-liners this season. ‘At one point I saw a raccoon walking by and even that turned me on.’
6. Firework equals: Rosanna's personality disorder pops up. Enjoyment guaranteed.
7. What does Niels have tattooed on his arm anyway? Is that a chicken? Really?
8. Gelina's robot settings get somewhat confused when breakfast in bed is brought by Jarredson. ‘Thanks. That. Is. Nice. I think. Error.’ JARREDSON, BEND, RUN WATCH OUT, EXPLOSION DANGER!
9. Suppose I'm playing with myself behind the TV. Every time Danique finishes her sentence followed by a cute yet semi-annoying giggle, I get to grab chips. JACKPOT.
10. And every time someone (especially Alex) says the word ‘horny’, I get to have two magical balls from the Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough tub.
11. Jarredson: ‘Are you happy I chose you?’ GELINA'S REACTION IS GOLD. CRYING: ‘YOU'RE TOO CLOSE TO MY AURA.’ HAHAHAHA. I'm crying here. Makers, where did you conjure up this ice rabbit from? Do you get horny (grabs Cookie Dough) from contrast or something?
12. Jarredson's comeback is also one for the books. ‘The weather is definitely stuffy, right. So stuffy plus stuffy you definitely shouldn't have, right.’
13. Meanwhile, Zwanetta is still getting horny (grabs Cookie Dough) from chameleon shizzle. Every week a different hairstyle, plus accent. Skit on. ‘Eh, eh, eh, faka G. You chill, boy.’ What's happening there man, faka, boy boy, djeeeeez.
14. Alex: ‘Did you happen to have that photo of your anus on hand?’
I'm suddenly cracking up about that man. Also nice, Roos by the way, to be massaged with those heels.
15. Dorien is behaving like a sort of Pimp Daddy in that house. ‘We're going to blindfold you first and then the girls will come.’
16. Ruud is drinking wine with (the butt of) Kelly and is increasingly struggling not to behave like a fourteen-year-old on Cherso. ‘Adje?’
17. Discussing sexual acts à la 2018.
Ruud: ‘Someone is going to give my dick a swing tonight, you don't want to know.’
Kelly: ‘Oh, okay, cool.’
DRY.
18. Wokeeee wokeee, underwater shootings with Don and Ariël, everything! I predict a new Disney movie. Theater tour.
19. Yolanthe: ‘Wow Roos, quite spicy huh, these extra images? Yes, I can see it in you too. Gosh. Annoying huh. Luckily, look, here’s Alex!’ (If you were wondering where that Videoland outage came from; his teeth have since apologized.)
20. Three drunk monkeys in a row who think their transmitter is off. ‘If I could, I would have taken the whole island.’ Oh dear, naughty men. A bunch of scoundrels. I'm already looking forward to next week.
P.S.: Heart at the bottom if you absolutely MUST see how aggressive Rosanna slips with those gigantic poles by the pool next week. HAHAAAAAAAAAAA.
P.P.S.: More laughs at Temptation shit? Check my Insta Stories at @kikiduren. Tsjuuuuus!
P.P.P.S. Oh yeah oh yeah, I was in bed with Charissa (You're going to cry, you, you and you are going to cry) and asked her a bit too many hysterical questions about her sex life with a bit too much alcohol. You can check that video here.
