KIKI's Mollotenbrabbels

The finale(!)

Haaa, fellow mole enthusiasts! I don't know how it all went for you during the finale, but I was sitting with sweaty armpits on the balcony. The balcony, yes. You see: everything went wrong again. You were probably comfortably sitting on your couch watching the finale, while I'm in the French Alps on a ski-kamikaze vacation and the whole damn village turns out to have no Wifi. You understand: panic. And what do you do in a panic? You call colleague (fellow mole) Annick. It went something like this.

20:30: “Hi Annick. HELP. I can't get on Wifi here.”

20:31: “This can't be true? It must have started already?”
20:33: “Wait, I see a café over there. I'm walking over, hanging out.”
20:34: “I have Wifi. I think. Oh fuck, the signal isn't strong enough.”

20:35: “Is anything happening?????”

20:37: “Just shout through the phone who The Mole is when you see it.”
20:38: “I am NEVER going on vacation again when the finale is. I hate France. Which village doesn't have normal internet, seriously? A person should be able to work?! I'm having such a grumpy attack.”

20:39: “IT WORKS IT WORKS! ON THE BALCONY. I LOVE FRANCE. I'M GOING TO WATCH NOW, I'LL CALL YOU BACK WHEN IT'S KNOWN, BYE.”

Good. And there I am, ultimately. In the cold with -10 on a wooden chair. Watching for three quarters of an hour on a small phone screen, because with the laptop, there's no way to manage, but hey: I can see it live. You could also be standing in the freezing cold at VondelCS. For a few hours. In the crowd. And I have wine. And Bugles with cream cheese. Now it's your turn. Time to babble do that then?

1. Do I see a group of people standing there with Ellie Lust T-shirts? I mean El, you know you've really rocked it when a year later you still have stalkers. #etherdiscipline #perfectwordforgag.

2. It's still a miracle how we all cheer for those three finalists in that park, as if they are a bunch of cult leaders. Man man, Illuminati, Scientology, everything.

3. I actually couldn't care less what hyperactive Chris Zegers has to say outside at VondelCS or how Ron felt (sorry Ronnie, no hard feelings). I. Want. To. Hear. Those. Legendary. Words. And I want to hear them now.

4. Holy molly. Olcay is NOT The Mole. Then it's Jan. Right? Although Ruben looks very nervous now too. Oh help. Jan is the Mole. Say it. Say it. Art looks very serious. Do I see a vein throbbing in Ruben's neck? That guy isn't suddenly going to be the saboteur, right?

5. And then the redemption finally came. The question that has occupied us mole enthusiasts every Saturday for the past two and a half months. Art: “Who – is – The – Mole?”……… (Heart rate skyrockets, oh no, I'm on the balcony.) 3…..2……1……..

6: Jan: “I am The Mole!” WAAAAAHAAAAAA, oh how terrible this is. The Netherlands in a state of utter confusion. That face of Olcay! I live for this shit. What a television. What a top mole. What a ridiculously good ending to this strange, strange season.

7. By the way, I LOVE the iron cyber bow around Jan's neck. You can see the thing thinking: “I’m so 2028, you’re so 2000- and late.

8. Art: “Are you getting a text? Just take a look.”

Jan: “Oh, it's my mother. She must be angry.”

I suddenly think I'm in love with Jan.

9. Plane ticket to Georgia? 325 euros. Total amount Ruben is taking home? Over 17,000 euros. The look on Olcay's face when Jan turned out to be the Mole? Un-be-liev-able.

10. That hairy satay stick is really a boss for getting it right when no one else did. That deserves to be said.

11. I'm still curious what would have happened if someone had seen Jan walking through the park... It would have been funny if Simone had suddenly said, “Jan? What are you doing here?”

12. Huh, what? The hidden clues are on the site? Pfff guys, what an anticlimax. Next time, buy some extra airtime, makers. A case of just not finishing this.

13. Realization: Olcay only made it to the finale because everyone (okay, except Ruben) was not on the right Mole, and she probably accidentally filled something in for Jan in the test and therefore did ‘better’ than the candidates who had everything neatly written in their mole book. HAHAHA.

14. Extra realization: all of Olcay's bathroom breaks turn out to be no, I repeat - no - mole tricks. I advise Ms. Gulsen to pay a visit to the little doctor.

Who is the Mole?, you were amazing again. Jan played it bizarrely bold (seriously, give that man an Oscar) but let's not forget that this was also the season in which the viewers were almost mass deceived by the editing. All the compliments in the world for the makers of the program. You understand: I'm still wagging my little tail a bit. Dear friends, Amolzine is becoming Amayzine again. This mole enthusiast is going underground again. In the snow, however, for a little winter sleep. In January 2019, I will probably pop up again to mole-ester the whole thing.

P.S.: Heart at the bottom if you also found this season effing brilliant from start to finish. And maybe, just maybe, you think Jan is the best Mole ever.

P.P.S.: Want to laugh more at WIDM brain farts? Then definitely DO NOT check my Insta Stories at @kikiduren, because this person also needs to have a life and there you will only find annoying vacation photos. That sucks, see you next year, fellow moles!