Most read: WHAT WOMEN DO WHEN THEY ARE ALONE

If you are twenty-four thousand eight hundred seventy-six posts in, plus forty if I do a quick calculation, then you get top scorers. Podium places for writings. The post by former editor Liesbeth that wins an award is about what you do when you are alone. Just read it.

WHAT WOMEN DO WHEN THEY ARE ALONE

The concept of ‘Secret Single Behavior’ is thanks to Sex and the City and means something like “things you do alone, when no one can see, especially not your loved one.” SSB is not necessarily charming behavior, rather embarrassing, but as long as you live alone, no one is bothered by it and we happily continue. Do you live alone? Bet you’ve done this too…

Cleaning in the nude

Personal favorite: starting the big clean-up while completely naked (preferably something with boy bands) with the music turned up loud. Sometimes maybe a little underwear for the sake of neighbors, but the idea is that nudity is central. By the way, my best friend knows this; she has my house key and has walked in while I was vacuuming in my bare bottom. The trick is to first let your house become a total uncontrolled mess (which can happen when you live alone) and then to make everything neat and tidy all at once. And those photos; Jet and I are really going to bare it all now. Especially for you.

Dining with an appetizer of Doritos and a main course of a tub of Ben & Jerry’s on a bed of speculaas

I lived so intensely unhealthy in the first years of my life living on my own, it’s unbelievable. But now that I’m somewhat grown up, I can perfectly live on an evening alone on a bag of Doritos with dip and maybe some speculaas as dessert.

Pouring dish soap over things in the trash can

By now I know several women who do this, so I dare to admit it, but I sometimes throw half a roll of cookies or something similar in the trash and then pour a splash of dish soap over it so that later, in case of a binge, I won’t secretly eat it again. I didn’t come up with this myself but stole it from Miranda from Sex and the City.

Towels/bed linen for weeks. not changing

I mean, you’re the only one using it so why bother? During times of chronic singlehood, there’s always a layer of cat hair on the other pillow for me, because Poes Disco sleeps cozily with me in bed. If there happens to be nighttime company, I always change that bed super quickly and lie that my cat never sleeps with me in bed. Are you crazy?.

Letting food rot in the fridge

The same friend who regularly catches me naked while cleaning always praises my “vegetable projects.” As in: onions that suddenly grow whole trees, vegetables that stay in the fridge way too long, and packs of yogurt that are just about to walk out of the house on their own.

Putting out a cigarette in the teabag or plate/glass/cup/whatever is available

Because ashtrays are sometimes not nearby and getting up is so exhausting. Especially the teabag is nice, because then your cigarette makes such a pleasant hissing sound. Jet is always extremely pleased with herself when she puts it out in her green smoothie and proudly texts me photos with: ‘Look at the contrast!“

Using tissues and Christmas napkins as toilet paper

Because sometimes your toilet paper is out and the only thing you can find in the house is Christmas napkins from 10 years ago. Jet and I also sometimes steal a roll here at the office and I even once stuffed a roll in my bag at a restaurant because I realized I had forgotten to buy toilet paper again.

No, we really don’t do that in front of the man we want to impress. But yes, you can bet that happens to our heart's content in the privacy of our own home.

Practicing outfits.

Just, when you’re bored, playing a bit in front of the mirror with your clothes and coming up with new combinations. And then taking photos with your phone so you can look back at everything later at your leisure.

Just, when you’re bored, play a bit in front of the mirror with your clothes and come up with new combinations. And then take photos with your phone so you can look back at everything later at your leisure.

We conclude with my favorite;

We conclude with my favorite; splashing around in the bathroom. Accompanied by loud music, I then shower for hours, shave my legs, apply shower gel, put a mask in my hair and on my face, then apply body lotion, play with new creams and serums, do a pedicure and manicure on myself, and then very satisfied watch Sex and the City on the couch in my neatly tidied house (see point 1) with a glass of wine.

Text: Liesbeth