WHAT WOMEN DO WHEN THEY ARE ALONE
The concept of ‘Secret Single Behavior’ comes from Sex and the City and means something like “things you do alone, when no one can see, and certainly not your partner.” SSB is not necessarily charming behavior, rather quite embarrassing, but as long as you live alone, no one is bothered by it and we happily continue. Do you live alone? Bet you’ve done this too…
Cleaning in the nude
Personal favorite: cleaning in the nude with the music turned up loud (preferably something with boy bands) starting the big clean-up. Sometimes maybe a little underwear for the neighbors, but the idea is that nudity is central. By the way, my best friend knows this; she has my house key and has walked in while I was vacuuming in my bare butt. The trick is to first let your house become a total uncontrolled mess (which can happen when you live alone) and then to make everything neat all at once. And those photos; Jet and I are really going to bare it all. Especially for you.
Dining with an appetizer of Doritos and a main course of a tub of Ben & Jerry’s on a bed of speculaas
I have lived so intensely unhealthy in the first years of living on my own, it’s unbelievable. But now that I’m somewhat grown up, I can perfectly live on an evening alone on a bag of Doritos with dip and maybe some speculaas as dessert. Throwing dish soap over things in the trash.
By now I know several women who do this, so I dare to admit it, but I sometimes throw half a roll of cookies or something like that in the trash and then dump a splash of dish soap over it so that later
in case of a binge I don’t secretly eat it again. I didn’t come up with this myself but stole it from Miranda from Sex and the City. Not changing towels/bed linen for weeks.
I mean, you’re the only one using it, so why bother? For me, there’s always a layer of cat hair on the other pillow during times of
chronic singleness because Poes Disco sleeps cozily in bed with me. If there’s a nighttime visitor, I always change that bed super quickly and lie that my cat never sleeps in bed with me. Are you crazy? Letting food rot in the fridge.
The same friend who regularly catches me naked while cleaning always praises my “vegetable projects.” As in: onions that suddenly grow whole trees,
vegetables, that stay way too long in the fridge and yogurt containers that are just about to walk out of the house on their own. Putting out a cigarette in the teabag or plate/glass/cup/whatever is handy.
Because ashtrays are sometimes not nearby and getting up is so exhausting. Especially the teabag is nice because then your cigarette makes such a pleasant hissing sound. Jet is always extremely pleased with herself when she puts it out.
in her green smoothie and then proudly texts me photos with: “Look at the contrast!” Using tissues and Christmas napkins as toilet paper“
Because sometimes your toilet paper is out and the only thing you can find in the house is Christmas napkins from 10 years ago. Jet and I also sometimes steal a roll here at the office and I even once stuffed a roll in my bag at a restaurant because I realized I had forgotten to buy toilet paper again.
Farting and burping.
No, we really don’t do that in front of the man we want to impress. But yes, you can bet that happens to our heart's content in the privacy of our own home.
Practicing outfits.
Just, when you’re bored, playing a bit in front of the mirror with your clothes and coming up with new combinations. And then taking photos with your phone so you can look back at everything later at your leisure.
Endlessly lounging in the bathroom.
We conclude with my favorite;
lounging in the bathroom; . Accompanied by loud music, I then take hours to shower, shave my legs, use shower gels, put a mask in my hair and. on my face do, then lotion everything, play with new creams and serums, do a pedicure and manicure on myself and then very satisfied in my neatly tidied house (see point 1) with a glass of wine on the couch watching Sex and the City. The concept of 'Secret Single Behavior' comes from Sex And The City and means something like “things you do alone, when no one can see….
