The Orgasm Gap Between Men and Women
To get straight to the point: research has shown that men orgasm three times as often during sex as women. I'm not talking about solo sex, I'm talking about the times you're naked with a man and having fun. You could also see it this way: during one in three sexual encounters the woman does not orgasm while the man does. Excuse me? Don't we deserve just as many orgasms? Don't we have just as much right to relaxation, improved blood circulation, and better skin? I thought so.
We could now place the blame on men, but let's first take a look in the mirror. We have spoiled men far too much until now. After all, don't we constantly confirm what we think a man finds sexy? Just look at the fashion magazines. Models often look quite silly. Very young, mouth half open, visible nipples, a hazy look, you know the type. These women primarily radiate: I just turned eighteen (but maybe not), always horny, and you can do anything with me. A flower that must be taken hard by a man, excuse me, picked. We buy these magazines, try to become like these models, and fill our Instagram with them. With this, we indirectly tell men: we do everything to make you find us fuckable. Excuse me, girlfriends, what's wrong with a role model like Michelle Obama?
Then there's another sensitive point that gives men the idea that it doesn't matter much whether they can get it right. Honestly, how many times have you faked an orgasm? I must confess that I've done that during (almost) all my one-night stands. Why? Because you quickly realize that it's not going to happen anyway, and you don't want to come across as a frigid bitch. Or the man has been busy for a while without results, and you're afraid he's going to suffocate under the covers. Or you're too nervous and want to pretend you're very confident and horny. Or you feel sorry for him because he apparently doesn't understand how the female genitalia works. All nice and well, but we are not teaching men any better sex skills with this.
Additionally, men have been spoiled by porn films in which women scream and orgasm within minutes when they are double penetrated without any form of foreplay. I dare say that men have only gotten worse in bed since the internet has existed. They think we find it hot when they hit us on our punani or choke us because they've seen that on YouPorn.
In short, men have learned a whole bunch of wrong things:
- That sex revolves around them
- That we think so too
- Because we can effortlessly orgasm regardless of their effort
Fortunately, times have changed. Now that we are economically equal to men, we are also starting to understand that we should be equal in bed. For the first time in years, the sales of Victoria's Secret have declined because women no longer identify with kiss-blowing little girls. And since #metoo, men have finally realized that we don't automatically find everything sexy. We have the right to sex as we also find it pleasurable, with the corresponding orgasm. Let's talk about how to achieve that.
The way men and women experience sex differs a bit. For men, it is (and this also maintains the orgasm gap) somewhat easier. They can get themselves off at their own pace. In contrast, only 15 to 25% of women can orgasm through penetration alone. Statistically, we already have a significant disadvantage. But this is not the only thing that puts us at a disadvantage. A man is a high-speed train, and a woman is a diesel. According to sex researchers Masters & Johnson, a man takes an average of 7 to 14 minutes to go from zero to a hundred, while a woman takes 10 to 20 minutes. So we need both more time and more help. How are we going to solve this?
Young entrepreneur and very woman-friendly man Benji Beesemer (unfortunately already taken, but if he ever becomes single again, I'll let you know immediately) has always had a fascination for sex. He often heard men around him speak condescendingly about female sexuality. The idea is that women give something and men receive something. Benji (God bless him) decided it was time for women to also receive more, and that in the form of overwhelming orgasms in plural. He started a company that offers woman-friendly sex toys that you can use alone, but also during the act. pluralpleasures.com offers well-priced, body-safe toys that also look good. Are you dealing with a man who doesn't do much? Hop, you grab the OKU pink and done.
The only downside is that the man still doesn't learn much from it (except that he understands that you also want to enjoy it and that he has played a limited role in that until now). Therefore, let yourself be inspired by Consolidated, an American band that, together with The Yeastie Girls (hahaha), had a hit in 1992 with the song ‘You Suck’:
