Saying no without feeling like a selfish jerk: this is how you do it

‘Okay, that’s fine…’ It rolled out of my mouth before I realized it. Do you know that feeling: you say yes, but inside you actually feel no? Why do we do that? Because saying no is an art in itself. Disappointing someone else doesn’t feel great, so you push your own feelings aside for a moment. Oh, you shouldn’t be so dramatic, right? Look, and there you go, full throttle over your boundary. Yet it’s important to refuse something without feeling guilty for peace in your head. This is how you do it.

1. Ask yourself if you really can’t make it

Will that uncle really miss you at that birthday? Really? Or do you just think you can’t make it because the rest of the family is going? Of course, sometimes you do something for someone else, but if the ‘what the heck am I doing here’ feeling often hits you, you’re not doing something right in life, girlfriend.

2. Take more time for decisions

Simply weigh the pros and cons against each other. What do you gain from it? Does it cost a lot of energy? Does the other person ever give you this energy back? Does this person need an explanation? Would I enjoy secretly saying no right now? By taking a little longer to think, you often can’t avoid a truly gnawing no.

3. Think of an alternative

You’ll feel less guilty if you come up with an alternative. Just because you don’t have time to help someone right now doesn’t mean you can’t next week. You’re not that hard to please either.

4. Plan me-time

And really do it. Let everyone have a blast for an evening and stretch out on the couch watching that series everyone is talking about but for which you never have ‘the time’. And really see that appointment with yourself as a hard commitment, making it easier to say no to something else.

I’m learning it by now. A little. Do you want to say no like a real pro? Then read these lessons from May one more time.