Strange things we do now that it feels like -3
How I look today: a very large scarf wrapped around my neck and a small head with blonde static hair sticking out like a chocolate puff from that woolly bundle. I'm wearing a sexless yet warm merino sweater and I have my nose in a tissue, because this weather makes you catch a cold. But that feels like below zero does things to you; six things to be exact.
1. Too few clothes
One step outside and you already know: the wind rushes through centimeters of dust making it feel like you're going to work in a negligee. Would be embarrassing, yes, and does anyone even wear those things anymore? Conclusion: you're not wearing enough.
2. Too many clothes
After three minutes on the bike, the tip of your nose transforms into an ice block, but somewhere under that sweater and thermal shirt, it’s streaming down your back. You won't find a bigger temperature difference anywhere. Blue hands, overheated buttocks, that kind of story. You quickly wrap the scarf around your neck in nine turns, hello neck, unbutton your jacket and feel the cold.
3. Strange shopping lists
When you look at the contents of your shopping basket, you think you're shopping for the elderly neighbor. Kilos of crumbly potatoes (peeled of course), smoked sausage, split peas to make soup, a winter tea, chocolate cookies, and stalks of kale take over your shopping basket. It has to be hearty, it has to be Dutch, and after eating, the button of your pants must especially be undone.
4. The candles are lit
But not one or two, no, the entire supply of tealights must come out of the cupboard. Every square centimeter is occupied by little flames, because in chilly and cold weather, the recipe is: flames. Until you feel a bit lightheaded and all those candles bring the oxygen level to a precarious and insufficient state. Should the door be opened again, that breeze into your living room is quite fresh, in short: candles are cozy business.
5. Thinking it's going to snow
With horror traffic jams over three flakes of snow in the east, ice-free days, and a run on spikes for under your shoes. We have a feel-temperature of minus three, it's not minus thirty. Cool down, people.
6. Denying your panty count
Not twenty, because too thin. Not sixty, because too thick. Not checkered, because thirty-two years old. Resulting in you thinking that a bare-legged sprint from your pre-warmed car to that party will work. The reality: heavily bundled people in fleece sweaters shake their heads at you as you try to wrap the end of your scarf around your legs. Anything is better than fleece, anything is better than fleece.
P.S.: Remember back then, when it was hot and you went naked after the mosquitoes at night? I do.
