The squatters of Estelle
Long, long ago I had the unprecedented pleasure of working with Estelle Cruijff. We thought it would be a fun idea for her to do the interviews for Beau Monde and I guided her the first few times. Off to then Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende, the Amstel Hotel in with Robbie Williams. That Estelle occasionally forgot her recording device was no problem. Ruud simply tossed it on the back seat of a taxi and he provided the interview location. Every day I had Estelle on the phone, and every day I was bent over my desk laughing.
That's why I'm so happy that Estelle is back in my life. Not physically, but on the screen. She is a walking one-liner. If you missed ‘Estelle & Gordon: Weg Ermee!’ yesterday, here are the best jokes in a row, because Gordon is of course also great at it.
1. Estelle: ‘Gordon, you are a nature lover. I love everything that is not natural.’
Gordon: ‘You are nature lovers.’ He points at Estelle: ‘Well, there’s nothing natural about this anymore.’
2. One of the couples they travel with has an age difference of 29 years. Gordon notes that age is just a number. He knows all about that. And Estelle does too, he says. Estelle stares calmly ahead, then takes her moment and says: ‘You, you take everything from zero to near death.’
3. Estelle is on the bus on her way to birdwatching. ‘I really love animals, but I don’t love nature. I’m not going to seek it out.’
4. Gordon and Estelle arrive at the farmer's place. The proud farmer tells that nothing here has been sprayed. Gordon: ‘Not at home either?’ ‘Occasionally,’ says the farmer.
5. Estelle and Gordon are lying in bed and going over the day. Gordon says that Estelle is spoiled and she retorts that Gordon is just pretending not to be spoiled, but he is. ‘You are so spoiled. You get tired from your own driveway.’
6. Off to birdwatching. On the tandem. Estelle is asked if she bikes more often. A painful silence falls. ‘I invoke article 5.’
7. During birdwatching, one of the men perks up. ‘I see a greylag goose.’ Gordon: ‘Well, I don’t think it’s nice that you say that about Estelle.’
8. Estelle is holding a little goat that still needs a name. ‘We’ll call this one Halal,’ says Gordon.
9. Gordon and Estelle are sitting at the table with the group. ‘We both crave a steady relationship,’ says Gordon, looking at Estelle. That it’s not that bad, Estelle clearly states. That he must be very nice then. She turns to the camera. ‘So this is not an open invitation.’ Then Gordon turns to the camera and says: ‘Are you single and have no criminal record…’
10. Estelle and Gordon go mudflat hiking. Of course, the Chanel bag can come along. After ten steps, the sandy bottom turns into a sucking mud mess. Gordon doesn’t like it. And Estelle’s red Hunter boots would also prefer to be somewhere else. ‘Come on, darling, we’re going,’ says Estelle. ‘This is not for us. Besides: I’ve been stuck long enough.’
