The absolute worst thing that can happen to you on the train

It was almost rare, how grumpy I was when I got up last week. And instead of doing what I really felt like at that moment (scooping a tub of Ben & Jerry’s Cookie Dough on the couch and avoiding all social contact), I had an appointment in Amsterdam. On Saturday. An appointment that had already been rescheduled three times. Which I simply could not get out of anymore.

So I ‘grabbed myself together’, to trudge to the train, sighing and puffing. Damn train. Especially on warm days. “Just go quickly, Kiek, and then we’ll have a long evening together afterwards. Don’t be so grumpy then?” My love looks at me semi-concerned. “Yeah, okay, sorry. I’m just warm. Or something. When I get back, I’ll be fun again.” At 2:00 PM I leave the house.

At 4:58 PM the train arrives back at Utrecht Central. Finally, home. Finally really weekend and doing nothing. Just a quick Sprinter towards Lunetten and then I’ll be home in five minutes. The grumpiness has subsided. I bought peonies and chocolate. Always works. Whoooo, shit. The train leaves in two minutes. Like a mad hyena, I run to the right platform. Yes, made it. The moment we leave, I feel that something is not right. I. Am. In. An. Intercity. Instead. Of. In. A Sprinter. But it said ‘Platform 21’? I left from platform 21 and around the same time. What do I know, I just moved.

Meanwhile, my boy texts that the new barbecue has just arrived and that he has bought tasty snacks for an evening of enjoyment in the garden. Am I almost home? “Sir, may I ask something? Do you happen to know where this train is going?” The conductor looks at me dryly. “Venlo.” “Oh. Okay. And the next stop is uh, in…?”, I ask irritated. “Three quarters of an hour.” I look out the window and see that we are Literally Passing By My House. How high would the fine actually be if you pull the emergency brake?

Hi, I’m Kiki. And I just moved. And I manage to be five minutes away from my house and then still come home TWO HOURS LATER (and even grumpier than on the way there) because I got on a train that I couldn’t get off earlier. And then had to go all the way back. And yes, you guys don’t really care about this at all, but sometimes a person just needs to grumble without shame, right? Note to self: buy a car, Kiek. And do it quickly.