This is how you get rid of your killer body

After a plank session, the terrifying idea of a six-pack crept into my mind. I was quite panicked and because I don't wish that awful feeling on anyone, I wrote this guide to get rid of your killer body as quickly as possible.

I plank nowadays. Or rather, I've done it for a minute twice. But for someone with a strong aversion to anything related to sports, that's an immense achievement. I don't really know why I do it. Sometimes a strange thought accidentally drifts through my mind like ‘exercising is good for you’ or ‘exercising can also be nice’ – that must have something to do with it.

Exercising has one huge downside besides sweating, being dirty, stinking, and pain: you get a six-pack from it. And that, I find the worst of all. My fear of such a hard belly is indescribable, so after these two plank sessions, I shockingly discussed the situation with editor Emma due to this realization. What if I accidentally get a six-pack? We came up with the following tips.

Tip 1

The most important thing is that you consume more calories every day than you burn. Start your day right. You shouldn't move too much, so if your financial situation allows it, take a taxi to work. Otherwise, take public transport (but preferably not, because then you have to walk all the way to the bus stop). Eat a donut in the taxi for breakfast.

Tip 2

Don't listen to your friends when they ask you to go exercise. Instead, lie on the couch and order food (cooking yourself also burns calories). Also, don't listen to Google: if you type in the words ‘how to prevent a six-pack’, you'll be flooded with six-pack exercises and training schedules. Exactly not what you want.

Tip 3

If you're thirsty and want water: suppress it. Don't do it. Instead, always take Fernandes or cola.

Tip 4

Do you really want something healthy, but don't want to give in to your craving? Fry your healthy snack. Here is a recipe for fried cucumber.

Tip 5

Stop procrastinating. Don't fool yourself any longer. Just start, you can do this.

September is the month to get rid of your bikini-proof killer body as quickly as possible. The rain is tapping on the windows again, the Christmas wreaths and ginger nuts are already in the stores, and film marathons are thankfully allowed again after all those summer days.

All good ingredients for a plump start to the new year. Once you get the hang of it, you'll effortlessly roll into winter with plenty of carbohydrates under your arm.

Written by FavorFlav