Why you should never be jealous of others

Jealousy is a monster. A green monster, yes. But it's unnecessary.

Really not. Because believe me: the more I talk openly and honestly with people, the more I come to one thing: everyone has something. Really. Believe me. I'm struggling with my double pregnancy. First physically with all the nausea, now mainly mentally. I cry a lot and can only worry. Am I ready for this? I'm saying goodbye to my old life. That will never come back. And I wanted exactly that kind of family that I come from. First a girl, two years later another girl and three years later another girl. My sisters and I are so close that I want that in my own, new little family too. But that's not going to happen. Because I'm having two. And who knows, maybe boys.

And then a kind of jealousy came. Strange jealousy that made no sense. Suddenly I looked differently at every woman who just had one child. Or who is pregnant with one. Who doesn't have to give birth to two at once. I thought: yes, that could have been me too. I was also ashamed of that jealousy. Or well, I felt guilty about it. Because I know that getting pregnant is not that simple for everyone. And some dream of having two at once, whether they are girls or boys.

I thought a lot about that jealousy and I talked about it. With my sister, my mother, the midwife, friends. If you ever think: why is the grass always greener on the other side? Don't. Because it's unnecessary, that's what I found out. One person has sadness in a career she always thought she wanted, but now that she has it, she doesn't want it anymore. She feels guilty about that. Another has a relationship with a man who is not doing well. Another is single again and is looking for some kind of affirmation in life. Then I hear about someone who has had seven IVF attempts and still isn't getting pregnant. Then about someone who has no ovulation and can never get pregnant and that her boyfriend left her for that reason. Then I read about people who all had daughters, but also sick daughters. Then my mother tells me again about someone with such financial problems that they can no longer provide shelter for their children. Then I hear again about deceased parents, medication for depression, and people with hardly a good friend. I learn from it. The grass is sometimes dry, barren, and brown everywhere. Not green. Sometimes, when it's spring, it is. But don't look at someone else as if they have everything together.

I also know for sure that my friends sometimes think about me: well, phew, she shouldn't complain. Her parents are still together, married with a dream marriage, a nice roof over her head in the Pijp, and size 36. But I learn from that too. The image of myself to the outside world is not always accurate. I also have a lot of sadness and struggle with this phase in my life. It's incredibly difficult to discover that I don't just find being pregnant fun, which I always thought it would be. Then I feel guilty towards my little ones in my belly, even though that is separate from this. I'm struggling with everything that is coming at me. With this new phase. With being the first in my circle. With accepting everything. Not being able to just plan that you want three girls with two years in between. With accepting that you are becoming a mother of two, even though you never saw that in your dreams.

Planning is now something I find so uninteresting. Because real life, like this, becoming a mother... You can't plan that. You can never plan it like that. Just like others can't plan their debts, depression, and illnesses. Real life is something to accept. It goes as it goes. Look at it with a smile, not with a tear. Because if I know anything as a child psychologist, it's this: you can do two things. You determine your feelings yourself. You can be jealous of others who have it just a little different than you or you can focus on yourself and look at what you do have. The situation remains the same anyway. It's just how you look at it: with that smile or that tear? Simple, but I need to listen to my own advice.

Just don't pay attention to mama's emotions. I am very happy with you, little ones in my belly. Already.