15 things you should do with your father before you turn thirty

‘So you really are my dad?’ My brother wanted to be sure when my father came home after a two-month trip. My father sailed around the world as a captain in the merchant navy, and when he was home, we made up for lost time in the new days.

When people asked me if I missed my father, I always did a calculation. Children of fathers with a ‘regular’ job might only see their father on weekdays around seven in the evening. And a few evenings a week, maybe not at all. We sometimes missed our father, but when he was there, it went from warm croissants in the oven (even on weekdays) to ’I’ll take you to school‘ and ’I’ll pick you up too‘ and ’shall we go grocery shopping together‘ to self-invented story serials and a hundred songs at bedtime. So I was doing just fine in terms of average father-child hours. For everyone with a father, a huge checklist of things you must have done together.

1. Eating a herring

Start early. You really can’t get as much applause as when you, as a little girl, take a bite of a herring. I always did it when my father returned from a long trip, and later I heard that my mother did it with her father too. All to make an impression, because we didn’t really like it, of course.

2. Driving a car

First on his lap and gradually more autonomously. Driving lessons and fathers just go together. Just listen to Lieke van Lexmond.

3. Having a little bump with his car

In my case, there were two. Ouch. With a bit too much overconfidence while parking, the bumper of his car disappeared, and oh dear, I once crumpled the nose of his vehicle quite a bit. But that was because someone else stopped for a green light. Yeah, then you ask for it.

4. Drinking your first beer

I remember it so well. We were sailing a little boat, always those little boats, from Amsterdam to Zeeland (by the way, my six favorite spots in Zeeland) and stayed overnight somewhere in a harbor halfway. They had a beer, and of course, I did too.

5. Getting your ears pierced (if your mother doesn’t allow it)

I believe I was six. Or eight. We were walking through the city together. It must have been hand in hand. And I must have looked at him. My head a little tilted. He must have wanted to ask for a moment if it ‘was okay with mom’ and then he said: ‘Alright then.’.

6. Traveling together

I have a friend whose father booked a trip to a destination of choice for each child that turned ten. One-on-one moments with your mother happen quite often, but with your father, those are usually scarcer. We haven’t done it together yet, so Kiek (that’s what I call him), when shall we?

7. Singing karaoke

Just because you can let loose and be close together without having to talk all the time. My father and I can really fight over the microphone. ‘This one is for Pleuntje,’ my father says then. Always one for my mother.

8. Crying together

It took a while, but we checked it off. And no matter how bad the moment was, being able to share that was so beautiful.

9. Letting him buy you a designer item

When I hadn’t smoked until I was eighteen (unfortunately, I cautiously started after that, but I’ve been happily smoke-free for sixteen years now), I got to choose a watch. But I didn’t dare to wear a watch yet; I would just lose it. So we split the amount, and I got my first really expensive winter coat and a beautiful Lapponia ring. I still have them and still find them beautiful.

10. Getting love advice from him

I remember it so well. My heart was first broken, then someone stood so hard on the two halves that it shattered into seven thousand pieces, and it was even finished off by rolling a rolling pin over those pieces back and forth. That’s how I felt. When the tears were gone, we took a ride. And he told me about his broken heart. And he said it would heal, but there would always be a little fracture line left.

11. Letting him stand up for you

Whether it was a teacher at school, a manager who abused you, or a car salesman trying to rip you off. ‘Let them get f•ck•d,’ my father would say (sailor, you know) and then he would intervene appropriately.

12. Taking off your training wheels

And really running after you for a bit to catch you, but then sending you out into the world.

13. Him singing self-made songs for you

And telling stories.

14. Coming up with silly names for each other that only you understand

So I always hear on the other end of the line when I call: ‘Hello my little dance’ and he is my Kieksterbear. And no, I have no idea where it comes from either.

15. Introducing your great love to him

And him seeing that it’s good. With a touch of jealousy, but that’s part of it.