8x why I don't do online dating

One after another dives into the Tinder marriage, but not me, that online dating. Meeting up with a total stranger you matched with via a ‘superlike’? Nope, not for me. This is why I leave Tinder and its buddies nicely in the App Store.

1. I get allergic reactions from real-life pick-up lines, but online pick-up lines give me just a bit more itch. This one once slid into my DMs: ‘Do I know you from Greece? Aren't all the goddesses from there?’ Come on, that's just serious.

2. So Tinder is full of old classmates, neighborhood boys, and villagers. Running into each other at the pub seems pretty embarrassing if he hit ‘like’ and never got a thumbs up back from you. You don't see them for nothing anymore.

3. When I meet someone in real life, I quickly know if that person is suitable for my vacancy of prince on the white horse. But then I need to perceive looks, voice, way of speaking, laugh, and face in real time. I think that at an online date, I would be looking for the green emergency exit sign within five minutes.

4. I have the zodiac sign Libra, you know... Tinder, Inner Circle, Happn, Lexa, Dating For Higher Educated, HappyPancake (frown), Relatieplanet... Choices, choices, I'm out.

5. I'm not going to make any friends with this, but there's a certain type of man roaming around on dating apps. Stereotype 1: with a tanned, toned washboard in front of the mirror. Stereotype 2: the desperate man. Hmm, I'll pass.

6. Such an online match leads to a meeting. That's already scary, but how do you find each other? Because I can imagine that you especially want to put your best profile picture forward at such a meat market, uh sorry, dating app. You could just walk past your date. Awkward.

7. Speaking of awkward: that's kind of my middle name. But honestly. Just before such a date, we all think about the greeting. Such a blind date, how do you open that? Do you shake hands and say your name? Three kisses or grab a shoulder and one kiss? I already feel anxious at the thought.

8. Okay, good, you've found and greeted each other. Then you sit down and he starts talking with an accent that you will never get excited about. Because a voice, you don't hear that online, do you?.

‘Glad I swiped right.’ I'm afraid it will never appear on my wedding invitation.