I get itchy from the KonMari method

In the first three minutes of KonMari Your Life (I know it’s called Tidying Up, but this fits better), I already felt it in my hips. I caught myself turning the screen a bit away from my friend, because it was as if I heard him in the distance, only more extreme in thought and then in a small female version with dark hair and a fringe. Named: Marie Kondo.

But I have to say: it intrigued me. So I binged from the young family (whose mother was still breastfeeding the four-year-old) to the woman with an unwilling husband and too much Christmas decoration. By the way, have you also noticed that the translator has an extremely nice voice? I think that’s to keep the customers calm amidst all the tidying stress.

But, I want to talk about the KonMari system, which works as follows: you start with clothing, then books followed by papers, and finally your komono (that’s all the stuff that remains and believe me: that’s quite a lot). With everything, you choose between tidying up or throwing away, but there is one catch: you may only keep something if it gives you a spark of joy. Well, believe me, the wooden ladle doesn’t spark anything inside me, but I often need it. And now I’m only talking about kitchen utensils, just imagine if I tackle my wardrobe. Because that slightly too tight pair of pants can really spark a lot of joy in me, I just need to have a little patience for that.

I believe in throwing things away, hoarding is not my forte, but thanking a shirt with a hole in it for its services is a bit much for me. Because Marie wants you to do that. You have to thank your house, you have to thank everything before you put it in the trash bag, do you know how long that takes? I see the day counter of the breastfeeding family already at 26, but I understand that. Meine gute.

And honestly, Marie, making folding your clothes a social activity is just a bit sexless. I can already see myself and my friend making standing bundles and meanwhile talking about how the day was. I’d rather do that with a good glass of wine and some charcuterie. Marie Kondo and KonMari your life upside down, I’ll stick to my home-garden-and-kitchen skills. They have been around for ages, as the generations before us prove.

What I actually found brilliant were those little boxes in that drawer, where you can put all that aimless junk that always lies around everywhere. Maybe I’ll apply that at home, that I’ll do one little KonMarietje, but you can’t tell anyone. Capiche?