I had an appointment with the botox doctor

At ten past twelve, I was standing on the sidewalk, twenty minutes early. I'm never early, nor late for that matter, but now that it was about my frown, I suddenly was. Quite dubious, I frowned at myself one more time, while I still could. My hands might have been a bit clammy too, even though this was really just an introductory conversation and I wouldn't step out the door like Marijke Helwegen.

I love my facial expressions, my eyebrows that tell what I think without me saying it; I have a lot of them. So much that people sometimes find it annoying to see what I'm thinking, but I don't mind. What I do mind is the groove that my frown increasingly leaves behind when I'm not frowning anymore. In neutral position the groove stays with me.

Now I was raised with the idea that you shouldn't tinker with a healthy body. Only if your eyelid brushes against your glasses do you let things get lifted. I notice that those eyelids in my family nowadays start brushing against glasses earlier and earlier, even though they don't wear glasses. So be it, I'm fine with that. The eyelid isn't there yet, but that wrinkle – because it is one in (many more) formation – bothers me. I see women who get preventive injections, I see young women who wouldn't even think about it, I see myself frowning at myself in the mirror.

You only know if you want something when you experience it, I think. That's why I went to Aleid Koppius of the Falck Clinic, where I was twenty minutes early knocking on the shiny front door. I know women with botox who swear by her. With everyone I see walking by while I step inside, I think: would he, would she, oh, they probably would.

I get a cup of nice coffee, the waiting room is cool and doesn't feel like a waiting room. It's 23 degrees there, I see on the thermostat. Warm, but not too much. Or maybe too much, because I feel a bit clammy. The phone conversation behind me is of the cosmetic kind (logical since I'm at a clinic): ‘Only Botox, right, no fillers?’ It sounds like how I order my sushi: very normal. I'm starting to feel a little bit nervous now.

In the chair, Dr. Aleid looks at my frown, she asks if I want to raise my eyebrows nice and high and she listens to my questions. That I shouldn't have too much done to my forehead because my eyebrows are a tad droopy and that could give me a heavy forehead. That three injections in the frown can even have a lifting effect and that it's ideal to start doing something preventive around my age (two-ahem-thirty). I tell her that I'm hesitant, about the question of whether you go overboard and no longer see it yourself. She says that she will intervene then, but that I need to go home now, to sleep on it for a night.

Back at the office, everyone looks at my frown, it's still there. What if I end up missing it? ‘Don't worry,‘ Aleid reassured me, ’it will just be back in four months.‘ Will I?