I put on a wrestling suit and this is what happened

Do you recognize this? You've been in a super fun relationship for years, you are completely crazy about each other, you think each other is the funniest, sweetest, most handsome in the whole world, you support each other through thick and thin, you can spend hours dining together with a bottle of wine, you go to parties and have the greatest fun, you take long walks, watch series together with tasty snacks, and make fun trips. Everything is absolutely great. Only... the sex is no longer that exciting. In fact, it seems that the better your relationship is, the less you feel the need to take each other wildly on the kitchen counter.

Nature has arranged things quite unfairly. Where has the time gone when a single glance could turn into hours of sex sessions and you would literally want to lick each other's backs because you couldn't get enough of the other? Now, I really don't want to complain about my sex life and certainly don't want to say anything negative about Mr. Heere, who without exaggeration has never failed to give me an orgasm, but I do find it a shame. ‘Unknown makes unloved’ goes the saying, but in this case, the more familiar the territory is, the less you feel the need to go 'Now! Right now!' and sit naked on top of it. It's not that I don't want sex anymore, but it just doesn't happen anymore. Could it be that humans are indeed not made to be monogamous? Although the thought seems quite exciting to me, I know from experience that cheating brings a lot of hassle and misery. And the thought of Mr. Heere and another I find utterly unpleasant. What to do?

I went to the sex shop. I mean: if they know how to awaken a dormant libido, it's there. The sign at the entrance said that it was forbidden for groups. I was quite happy about that. The last thing I wanted was a drunken bachelor party. Inside, I only found a man sniffing latex suits on a rack. Fortunately, he avoided eye contact with me just as anxiously as I did with him. There was also a surprisingly normal saleswoman, which I found very reassuring. I thought: let me just be honest about why I'm here.

She reacted as if I had asked where the bouillon cubes were and showed me some things. Rubber penises, a masturbation egg that you can put on the man's penis, tantra games, and lubricant. I got a bit overconfident and bought both the egg (recommended) and a tantra game (stupid) and the lubricant (always handy). By now, the latex man had checked out an intricately designed pair of underwear and left the store, so I dared to move a bit more freely. While the saleswoman was making nice gifts from the aforementioned products, my eye fell on a stack of boxes with the tempting name ‘le petit secret’ on it. I took a package from the stack and looked at a voluptuous woman in two strips over her breasts that came together at her navel and transitioned into a thong. It was even my size. On a whim, I placed it at the checkout. ‘Also nice,’ said the saleswoman.

It was Valentine's Day. My husband had bought super cute earrings for me in exactly my taste and we had drunk champagne (I a bit more than usual). ‘I have another surprise for you,’ I said, ‘but you'll have to be patient.’ I went to the bathroom and put on the outfit. The outfit turned out to have an open crotch as well, so it was all a bit more exciting than I had thought. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought: OMG, what am I doing? The outfit didn't look bad, that was a relief. I took a deep breath and wondered if I should just give the gifts without this dressing up. ‘If you never try, you never know,’ I said aloud and stepped into the living room where Mr. Heere was slouched on the couch. I felt incredibly awkward. What if Mr. Heere burst out laughing?

Mr. Heere was on his phone. ‘Hi,’ I said. He looked up. For a moment he said nothing. He seemed a bit surprised. I wanted to flee back to the bathroom, but then he said: ‘Come here.’ I took a step closer. By now, Mr. Heere was looking at me like my cat looks at a canary. And then the following happened: it felt like I was no longer myself. Gone was Eline who likes to wear sweatpants and loves cheese onion chips. Here stood a new woman. What am I saying? I transformed into a sex goddess. Mr. Heere and I fell on each other like starving beasts. It was like when we had just met and cycled all over the city to pounce on each other during lunch breaks. We had old-fashioned crackling, horny, porn sex, where I – and it turned out to be very handy – didn't even have to take off the outfit because of the open crotch.

The moral of the story is, I think, this: a change of food does eat. It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you occasionally come up with something new. The only thing you have to do is step out of your comfort zone, and everyone finds that a bit scary. But if you do it, then you also get something!

Written by: Eline Heere