If your boss does this, then you won't get a raise

Legs crossed, legs next to each other, arms uncrossed, would she perhaps see something in my mouth? Or in my hands? ‘She’ is Denise Dechamps from the Body Language Academy, an expert in body language, where I went for coffee. And you can really see if you're going to get that raise or if what you're asking for is a bit on the high side.

By the way, it's a myth that 93 percent of communication is non-verbal, but when you talk to or against someone, the distribution is at least 60 percent body language versus 40 percent verbal. And yet we don't train this, we almost never practice in front of a mirror and we hardly pay attention to what our body is saying. Quite strange, right?

Over coffee, I asked Denise about tricks that are handy for work or during your job interview. What you should do, what you can better avoid, and whether you're asking way too much for that raise.

1. When you touch someone, oxytocin is produced, also known as the cuddle hormone. People show less resistance when you touch them. Now, you don't want to end up in a #metoo-like situation, but a small tap with the back of your hand on the arm can't hurt, and you achieve more with that.

2. Blinking is a stress signal. So when you ask for a raise and your boss starts blinking with his/her eyes, rubs the back of his/her neck (which indicates withdrawal), or someone starts to stroke, scratch, or pick lint off their arms, legs, or anywhere else (sounds stranger than it is, just pay attention), then all your alarm bells should go off, because these are signs that things are not okay or could be, as it indicates discomfort.

3. Touching the chin means someone is considering something. When someone stops doing that, the decision is made. So if you ask a complicated question and your colleague aka supervisor starts rubbing their chin? Then serious thinking is happening. The moment this stops, the decision has been made.

4. Whatever you do, keep your hands above the table. You create trust when your hands are visible. There was once a case with a test lawsuit where a person received much harsher penalties when he/she sat with their hands under the table than when he/she, you guessed it: sat with their hands above the table.

5. Make eye contact, people find that important and it creates a good first impression during a job interview. Within our culture, looking at someone 60 to 70 percent of the time in a conversation is optimal. You have an anchor in your field of vision where your eyes occasionally go, that's fine because staring is scary, but look for an anchor that is just slightly higher behind someone. This way, you don't have to look down and someone can always look you in the eyes.

6. Athletes do a warm-up for an important match, but why wouldn't you do that for a pitch or job interview? You have a few ‘power poses’ that can be very beneficial. Place your hands on your hips, put them behind your head, or raise your arms in the air. Now I understand that this is embarrassing if you're waiting in a too quiet waiting room at a company, but you have options there too. Walk around and look at art (I really hope for you that there is some art hanging somewhere). This way, you are immediately equals at the first meeting and you even have your chin slightly up because you're looking around, making you appear more confident and not immediately coming off as arrogant. The bathroom is also a nice private option for these poses.

7. Don't forget that your body has muscle memory. If you've just made yourself small above your phone on a bench in the waiting room, you're more likely to slouch afterwards.

To be continued, because I also pried from Denise why you can only take one accessory to an important conversation.

P.S.: You can learn body language, just take a look at the Body Language Academy.