If you're a total loser but still want to be sexy

Imagine waking up to a hazy smell of lost Flügels and stray Jägermeisters around you, and suddenly you remember why you feel so utterly miserable.

You have, without any shame, looked too deep into fourteen glasses and are now paying the price of all prices for it: you feel absolutely terrible. You want to puke. Cry. Shiver. And have a new head. Then you look to the left. There lies a man. Whether or not a new man, there is indeed a tasty man in your bed. Damn. That man is certainly not in top shape this early morning on the weekend. But still. You want to start the day a bit sexy and charming, not lying in bed snoring like a stinking pub owner. How do you approach it if you don't want to be too obvious about your appearance?

Like this.

• Hike yourself into a short pair of shorts, just one made of jogging material. Comfortable can be quite sexy, but it has to be short. Show those buttocks. That's just a bit more daring than a long baggy tracksuit or an XL pajama from your childhood.
• So think about the top as well. If necessary, put on a bra for the décolletage and find a somewhat decent shirt. Something where you can see your breasts, but not your fat, that idea. Well casually loose, but not that XL pajama from your childhood. Think about those breasts.
• Then: focus on your scent. You really don't have to go wild with makeup, quite the opposite, but do rinse with Listerine. It works wonders and you can do it while you go to the bathroom. Then he won't notice, but you will have results. A bit less Flügels coming out of your throat, so to speak.
• Spray some nice-smelling hair lotion in your hair – maybe that pub smell will disappear a tiny bit. Of course, you could just take a good shower, but if you want to approach it subtly, then a shower stands out immediately. And being subtly sexy is what it's all about.
• Put on some lip balm and please wipe that smudged mascara from under your eyes.
• Let your hair down – not in that bun you always put on your head when you're home alone and hate the world. Think about that man in bed whom you might still want to see in the longer term..
• Sneakily spray a bit of perfume on your neck. Because then he will smell it when you cuddle. Yes, this has been thought through, girlfriends.
  While you're at it: apply some nice lotion on your legs. Smells nice and feels soft in bed.
• And sneakily wipe a moist toilet paper along your woman parts. It's much nicer if something happens there today. Spread those legs and hop, set that whining headache aside for a moment. After that, you'll sleep even better.