KIKI'S EXPEDITION ROBINSON CHATTERS
Cassava cracklers. THIS is television. THIS is what we want to stay home for on Sunday. THIS is what they call episodes. Oh and, hi participants, I know some of you are reading along. First of all, a round of applause for yourself, because achieving that fusion is quite a thing, you know. Fusion… Sounds like your foundation that you mix with your sunscreen. Sounds like a sperm cell that finally reaches that egg with a wagging tail first. Sounds like a feast made possible by The One And Only Mister Go-Tan himself. Shall we get started, darlings? Because there’s a lot to talk about.
1. Seriously, man. I just don’t know where to start with the misery/enthusiasm/spasm. Rijk? Rich… The poor dude. No, I can’t. I can’t get another letter out. I’m going to cry. POOR RIJK. No trial. No Island Council. No fair chance. Minus 10 kilos in 15 days. HOW CAN THIS BE YOUR EXPEDITION. TRAUMAS.
2. And anyway… isn’t it STILL fucking unfair to make someone who walks like the mascot of Dia de Las Muertas do a balance test? At night? Against Akwasi? Come on, people.
3. HUGO FIRST FINALIST WTFFFF. IT’S JUST GETTING ANNOYING NOW. Is that guy not good at anything????
4. Wait a minute. Confusion. Why do they first say ‘the one who reaches the table first is the first finalist of Robinson’ but not: ‘This person will have to defend their title on finalist island’. How is that false hope? Pfff.
5. Hahaha omg, that face of Mariana when Akwasi and Kelvin turned against her. Ooh, what a painful mindfuck, that whole ‘who do you NOT want to win the fusion’ thing.
6. Suddenly quite a fan of Shary-An, who just says she doesn’t feel like scheming during that fusion dinner, but just wants to eat. Spirit animal for sure.
7. Of course, we all hope that Rijk suddenly walks in with a big shawarma pizza…
8. Oh, and just a tip for Fien and Yvette. Proven: at the moment you whisper you think people can’t hear you, but our ears are made in such a way that the whisper sound stands out extra. Besides: just do this later, cuties.
9. Are they really having that dinner in the rain? And no one from production thinks: let’s put a tarp over that table? That’s a bit rude.
10. Whatever happens, for me Go-Tan is the only real winner. He never complained, had no homesickness and is still on the island. Respect.
11. Just a few gems on Twitter from this week? Here we go.
– ‘And then you have to choose who will win the eating challenge next week. They can both go home with belly scabies #expeditierobinson’
– ‘MARIANA AND KIM ARE TOGETHER ON DEVIL ISLAND. WHO IS READY FOR DRAMAAA.’
– ‘Remove all sharp objects from devil island!’
– ‘Don’t complain about Thomas’s teeth. You all have yellow mouths’
– ‘The fusion dinner always reminds me of Kaj & Danny who were sitting in a corner two years ago bickering about the other participants.’
– ‘I always find that Conimex fusion episode of #ExpeditieRobinson a bit gross. First that orgasmic group meal and then you just know they’re all going to splash in the bushes with all that greasy junk. Yuk.’
– ‘I did cringe a bit when Fien, Yvette, and Akwasi were already being tactical at the table.’
– ‘Devil island with 2 people. Mariana is sneakier, but Kim is worse.’
Next week? Intestinal problems, stomach cramps, and splatter poop in the bushes. CAN'T WAIT!
P.S.: You know what, Rijk? I know how to make it up to you. Poor little sheep. We’re going to arrange a fusion dinner for you, okay? And tonight. Hugo is cooking.
P.P.S.: These are not jokes, you know. Check 5 Uur Live tonight (5 PM, RTL4) to see what we have in store for Rijk. And keep an eye on my Insta at @kikiduren.
P.P.P.S.: Heart at the bottom if your inner disaster tourist already wants it to be next week. Just think of the first seconds of the reunion between Kim and Mariana. MOEHAAAAAA.
