Kiki's Expedition Robinson Babbles

Haaaaaa, Robinson Ratjes! Gezellig! We beginnen de dag met drie uitroeptekens in één zin! Of misschien wel vier! Net zolang tot het gaat irriteren! En het van enthousiasme overslaat in irritantisme! Geen idee of irritantisme een woord is! Anders lijkt iedereen die zegt dat-ie ‘ons mam’ mist het uitgevonden te hebben. *Cough Roy Cough.

And, is it just me or was this episode just as exciting as the weather last weekend? Goodness, where's the juice? The only interesting thing was the Big Hussle Hussle. Oh, and the fact that two Expedition members were sent home this week. Anyway, shall we? New camp, new chances, let’s gooooo.

1. Yeah, but let’s talk about that balance test, huh. Totally chill with baby feet size 35, but what if you have shoe size 48? That’s just not fair, right?

2. Ah man, I suddenly feel a kind of ‘Jack, I’ll never let you go feeling’ when Rob starts crying when he has to go home. ‘I need to process this…’ Well Rob, so do we.

3. HAHA FIEN AND YVETTE LAUGHING IN THAT LITTLE BOX OF SLANG THAT YOU GUYS ARE RUNNING AROUND IN.

4. Meanwhile, Roy honestly admits off camera to his campmates that he has withdrawal symptoms and wakes up shaking and sweating at night. It’s a hard knock life for a sausage roll junkie.

5. Tweet of the week for sure: ‘There’s a huge energy saving by watching #ExpeditieRobinson… Every time Thomas opens his mouth, the lights can go out here.’ HAHAHA.

6. Oh no, this was it: ‘Due to Rob's departure, Expeditie Robinson will now continue under the name Expeditie Inson.’ OH NO THIS: ‘Roy would prefer to take the plane home.’

7. I mean: fine that Kalvijn + Shary&Autotune suddenly drop Expedition songs, but I’m still waiting for the long-awaited collab between Guus Meeuwis and Roy…

And I’m here all alone… on a quiet beach…

I have a problem with sea balls… that’s not pleasant.

And we wish cassava, sausage rolls, sticky and soft

And then I think of Brabant, where mom is waiting for us.

Laaalalaaaaaaa, lalalalalaaaaaaa… Jalalalaaaa lalalalalalaaaaa

8. Imagine, you have to survive outside on an island. It’s raining like crazy. All night. Sand. Sticky. Cold. Wet. And you don’t sleep a wink. And someone says in the morning: ’Those drops on your poncho, they make sleeping so nice!‘, then you just want to shove a cassava root up that person’s ass, right?

9. YAAAAAA EVAAAAAABLIJFTNOGEVAAAAAKLEEEVAAAAA.

10. It’s a bit crazy that as a woman with small feet you have to compete against two men in a balance test and win immunity until the merge while you were chilling hard on ‘Devil’s Island’ where there was plenty to eat and everything was totally kumbaya my lord, while Camp North and South are doing ridiculously tough tests for five hours in the blazing sun. But we do wish you well, Eva. Even if it’s just because of that silly headband on your head. Love it.

11. OMG, genuinely feel sorry for Rijk. This poor boy. Finally have the kingdom to yourself…

12. Oh, and speaking of losers: Pippi Longstocking and Hugo can also do something. I would be that unsporty chick who throws sand in Nicolette's eyes, steals the totem pole, runs back to my hut and eats all the bananas, flour, and reserves of the whole camp after losing such a big test for the fourth time. I lose, you all starve. Basta.

13. When Roy is sitting there with his bearded face and snot on his ankles, and the true nature of man comes up a minute later. Thomas: ‘I’m bummed. He weakens my position.’

14. Kaj: ‘Roy, are you sure you don’t want to go to Devil’s Island?’

Roy: ‘No, I’m going home.’

Kaj: ‘They have sausage b-’

Roy: ‘LET’S GOOOOOOOO.’

P.S.: Akwasi, I seriously hope you can still have kids, buddy. *Cough call me *Cough.

P.P.S.: When Mariana is your worst one night stand: ‘I think there’s still a lot to improve hygienically here and there in this camp. It also stinks here and there. What’s that sock doing there? Away. In the wash. Now. Or do you want to get slapped?’

P.P.P.S.: GUYS, please bring this Trojan horse inside because I’m in the mood for some life in the brewery, woohoo.

P.P.P.P.S.: Follow me on Instagram via @kikiduren for more Robinson nonsense.

Heart at the bottom when your inner devil is also ready for scum on the island and you secretly feel sorry that the two R’etjes had to leave the field. No more risotto from our Rob. Sob…