Kiki's Expedition Robinson Babbles

Goosebumps. Still. Again. Always when I hear that damn intro. ‘Tu du du duuuuu, du du duuuuu, du du duuuuu, du du duuu, dedududuuuuuuuu tududùùùùùù tudududùùùùù’. It's just that phonetically it doesn't come out right, but you know exactly what I mean. Right now we're waiting the whole fucking year.

Yes, Robbesnobjes, this Expedition freak is back in town after a little summer break and more than ready to stir things up and shoot sarcastic babble your way. If you're new to the whole Robinson chatter: hi, the name is Kiki. It's usually Kiek. Diehard Expedition fan and your Robin for the next three months. You and I, we're going to have a good time together. I'll tell you what I've particularly noticed from each episode and if you let me know Insta   when you see things that need to be discussed, then we'll get somewhere. If you're not new to the Robinson chatter: great. You've managed to track me down online again, you crazy stalker. Just kidding. Digital kisses and hugs for you, this is what I call real dedication.

Oh, and just a note to my friends, family, and girlfriends: for the next three months no, I repeat NO cool things to organize on Sunday nights por favor, because I'm on a mission: to share the most embarrassing, funniest, and ridiculous thoughts we all had on Monday mornings. Specifically from the twentieth season (hence the XX) and yes, it's going to be a big deal.

This week on offer? Cake, cake, more food, food, food and god, you’d almost forget they have to survive out there on that island. The very first episode. Let’s rock it.

1. Ha. Love that wake-up call already. For the first time, the creators give us an inside look at the shabby little huts where the contestants spend their first night. Extra love for Jaap and Eva who parade around naked and with sleep creases and mole eyes crack that door open. ‘Hello? Leave? Now? Uh. How many minutes do I have? I'm naked.’ HAHAHA.

2. Versus Mariana Verkerk who manages to be annoying in her first second of fame. ‘READY, GOOD MORNING!!!!’

3. When the budget is ramped up because it’s a jubilee and we got stuff to celebrate you know. The you-don't-expect-it quiz. The twenty contestants arrive on the island and go...

A: Have an extensive breakfast
B: Explore the island and look for food
C: Build a hut like the hell
Or D: sjemoehr

Sorry. I just think it's a nice word. It's actually a kind of French distortion of ‘your mother’. Try saying it elegantly. Zzzsjemoehr. Smooooer works too. Anyway: answer A. You wouldn't expect it people, you wouldn't expect it, but it did happen this year. Those lucky contestants. #Sjemoehr.

4. I can really picture Rob Geus (love that this guy is participating by the way) sitting at that table thinking: how fucking long has this food been sitting here? And how many bacteria must be on it?

5. Honestly: Rob must have some form of germophobia otherwise you just don't roll into such a field, I can't imagine.

6. Thomas Berge. Well. Still a bit confused with the fact that the singer is actually named Chiel Ottink. And Thomas Berge was a good artist name or something?

7. Top 5 of people you already know will cause arguments in this tv show.

1. Mariana Verkerk.
2. Shary-An.
3. Mariana Verkerk.
4. Badr Hari. Shary-An.
5. Mariana Verkerk.

8. I can really see Roy Donders this season emerging as a sort of Dave Roelvinkje. His bad reputation with those awful glitter suits, hard curls, and sausage rolls will suddenly be wiped away because Mr. turns out to be super badass on that island and a really good Robinson.

9. IS EVA SERIOUSLY IN THE SEA WITH RUBBER BOOTS? NEVER SEEN THIS BEFORE, AT ROBINSON.

10. I don't know what it is with Tukkers, but it's damn unfair. It's a kind of positive discrimination. I already like Kim Kötter because she has that accent. And I felt the same about Imke. And I feel the same about Ilse DeLange. What is it with Tukkers that they instantly evoke sympathy? Let this be a lesson for your next job interview: SPEAK TWENTS. DO SOMETHING. IT WORKS.

11. Just the fact that Akwasi has ‘word artist’ as a title makes me seriously respect this man. And the fact that he just got his swimming diploma (come on, obviously for Robinson, duh) makes me want to cuddle with him.

12. I also feel the vibe of the Great Friendly Giant radio DJ Frank. And honestly: if Hugo were a little dog, his tail would be wagging. What ENTHUSIASM, guys, this season, why isn't that DAMN DOOR opening?????

13. Am I seeing this right? Is this a mirage? MY BOY CARLITOOOOOOOOOO! WITH… Fatima Moreira de Meeloper and CAKE? Wait a minute. Nicolette said at that previous breakfast: ‘Enjoy it, because for now it’s going to be tough.’ Tough? Tough with cake?

A: Is there poison in the cake?

B: Will this really be the first year that contestants leave the island heavier?

C: What will Sonja Bakker think of this?

D: Is it cream cake? Where could I sign up for this program again?

14. Quote of the week definitely goes to Kalvijn. ‘Marianne has stuck her head in Kim's ass so that she is somewhat stable.’ Hahaha. Love this boy already. Hmm. Let's see if it has potential after Carlito ‘My Boy’ next week. That Kelvin.

15. Is it already time to say that Kaj is doing pretty well for such a first time? I mean: I really couldn't see an Art Rooijakkers or anyone else doing better. Oh god, painful, but it's bubbling up in me... Did Dennis watch last night? Or did he get drunk in the local pub?

16. Yes but. Yes but. Yes but. WHERE IS THE PAUSE ANIMAL?

17. In the category best tweet of the week: ‘I don't think I could handle #expeditierobinson. Weeks living on a handful of rice and cassava. No way, not for me. I would have already confit Royke Donders on day 3 in that wok.’

18. And yes, you can already see it. Rob's inner OCD is already short-circuiting in his head. ‘The knifes are for the kitchennnn. The hatchet for the treeeees.’

Oh oh guys, something in me says this is going to be the season. Don't miss a thing of all the Ekspediesie nonsense? Follow me on Insta at @kikiduren.

P.S.: Oh and, MEGA ROBINSON NEWS. A few weeks ago I got asked if I want to come talk about Robinson on the RTL 4 program ‘5 Uur Live’ which, you guessed it, GOES LIVE TODAY AT 5:00 PM, so check that out if you're not tired of my face yet, stalker. Joejoeee!

P.P.S.: Heart at the bottom if you're also intensely obsessively excited about this season.

LET THE HUNGER GAMES BEGIN!

And, would you prefer a piece of cream or apple crumble?
My boy Carlos?
Earth?
Joe?