Kiki's Temptation Island gibberish

Normally, the shit would really be on now. The first rabbit humping image would be burned into our retinas in a dark bed. The first groan would be audible. Not this season. This season we have to deal with Milou who is just barely having a ‘hard time’ and my boy Sid who excels at throwing pool chairs. Ah, it can't always be a party. Shall we go again?

1. Oh dear, poor Heikki. The pouty lip just can't let go of the last campfire images. But seriously, dude, aren't you a bit overdoing it with your hunger strike and straw hat? And are we going to put gel in or are we just going to leave that for what it is for the rest of the season?

2. Oh wait. And he hasn't even seen how Milou has been working it… And eye-fucking with Jietse. Woeha, already looking forward to next week!

3. Dying for the voice-over part 234: ‘Single Quinten had the ambitious plan to be together with Laura…’

4. ‘Yessss! YES! Here is your proud uncle! THOSE are my boys!’ Uh… If you're seriously wondering if Rick Brandzweter has tried some local drugs. Take a break, crazy.

5. Is it just me or are we starting to hate Jaimy more and more with each episode?

6. ‘Another date with her? No. That's not going to happen. Let's just not do it’ – said no seducer ever. No one, except the seducers who went on a date with I-Hate-Smurf Rodanya, HAHA.

7. Wait a minute. So Heikki doesn't want to watch how Milou has her date, but lets two seducers do it for him to eventually report back in the hope that it calms him down? Uh. Stupid, stupid, stupid choice, buddy…

8. Goddammit. I thought Ayleen had won the award for ugliest sunglasses of the season, but Sidney can also pull it off. How is that?

9. Although we should forgive him immediately. If only for the way he tries to cheer up the nauseating Heikki who can't get anything in. ‘Look at you, hairy little cunt!’ Sid said about the mussel.

10. If you have a splinter in your finger, know your sense of drama, and suddenly can relate to your spirit animal Sidney who is also almost crying because of Milou. Just about not screaming: ‘If Heikki feels like shit, then I feel like shit too, right?!’ He goes and sits alone in that chair outside HAHAHA. ‘What a difficult program this is.‘

11. Roger also realizes that Heikki is on the verge of a mental breakdown. ‘I hope he quickly finds his posiiiiitive energy back.’ I don't quite know where the strange urge comes from to want to stuff something in Roger's mouth. Just something small. A firework or something.

12. And in the category tweets of the week, the gems that I don't want to withhold from you…

• You might almost find Milou sympathetic. Because at least she is making an effort to cheat, while those other three big marmots are just whining, sleeping, yawning. And paddling.
• That Rodanya already brings all the blood from under my nails via the tv. Let alone if it's your girlfriend. Complaining.
• You would think that the editorial team of #temptationisland would have a plan B ready; Just kidnap Laura at night and put her on a plane home and release a few naked escorts in the men's villa or something. Do something. But this is just format suicide.
• Sidney is that guy who is still partying at a party while the lights are already on, the barrels are already disconnected, and half the crew is already sweeping #temptationisland.
• Hey, the ball pit called, Danicio wants to be picked up.
• People, have we actually been able to hold someone responsible for casting Laura? A person shouldn't get away with this unpunished!
• I really feel sorry for Hitske. Jietske. Hutske? In any case: Milou's boyfriend.
• I'm so glad that that ‘seducer’ with that Amsterdam accent is doing absolutely nothing there with his big mouth… just sitting there a bit for show and no one gives him a second glance… I enjoy that. #weetnieteenshoehijheet #TemptationIsland.
• The only people who get to see shitty images are us lol #TemptationIsland.
• It really doesn't stand out that a car suddenly stops without anyone getting out and there is no liveliness to be found within a radius of 250km.
• Jietse: ‘I'm having a hard time.’ Milou: ‘I'm having a harder time.’ Well, we have it the hardest, people. Another hour of your life that you will never get back.
• Do you know who I miss? Herbert. Please bring back a few hyped South American roosters next season!

P.S.: Heart at the bottom if the disaster tourist in you secretly OOOOK hoped that a dumb seducer would make the miscalculation to throw Laura into that pool. Ooooh, missed opportunities for delightful television, people…

P.P.S.: And did I hear correctly or does Milou say at the end when she thinks the cameras are off that Jietse can sleep with her? Hmmm, that's going to be something next week…