Science says: if you consciously remain single, you are happier

If you've been reading my pieces for a while, you probably know that I advocate for a happy single life. Or a happy relationship. The key word for me is ‘happy’, because I don't see why you would stay in an unhappy relationship. Life is way too short for that, and it's also a huge waste of your time. So I live by the motto ‘better happy alone than unhappy together’. Now, that all sounds pretty obvious, but you would be surprised how many people stay in an unhappy relationship. Well, not me. And now it has also been researched that this is the healthiest way of living. Hey, if science says so, you won't hear me argue against it.

Because despite a divorce rate of 40% – that's significant, just think about how many of those 60% also have an unhappy marriage – getting married is still a bucket list item for many. It used to be for me too, when love still seemed like a Disney fairy tale and less like a sinking ship like the Titanic. For me, it's no longer a must. I know how in love I can get and I also know very well that the person has to be truly worth it. That you get back the energy you put in and are not the only one pulling the cart a bit.

Sociologist Elyakim Kislev completely agrees (thank you) and has written a book about it: ‘Happy Singlehood: The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living’. Sounds like a book close to my heart. According to her, singles are first of all no longer in the minority and secondly, they are also a lot happier than their average married peers. She is fighting against prejudices such as that singles would be unhappy, immature, unattractive, or antisocial. When you read those prejudices, you probably think, just like I do, that we don't live in the 1800s anymore, but I still encounter those prejudices sometimes.

Moreover, according to Kislev, married people can still learn a thing or two from us singles. For example, that you should always value your social circles, your family, and other social networks. It also seems that conscious singles – the name says it all – consciously choose their single existence and therefore stand more behind their decisions. Unlike many married couples who just ‘let it happen’ instead of reflecting on their life path, with the chance that after a few years you suddenly realize that your life is passing you by without you playing an active role in it.

Are all singles happier than all married couples? No, it's not that black and white. Kislev emphasizes that many married couples are also very happy, but it shouldn't be the marriage that makes you happy. It's about being happy yourself. Additionally, happy people are initially also quicker to be willing to get married. What these married couples encounter are things like a divorce or the situation where they eventually become widowed. And it turns out that singles are more resilient to such setbacks in life. I believe we can still learn quite a bit from each other here and there. But being a happy single is definitely not a myth.