The prejudices when you are the only single in your friend group
I don't mind being single at all. I'm happy with my life, my house, and my friends. For example, yesterday I spontaneously booked a holiday to New York with a friend. Without consulting anyone, no accountability, just: booking. Now I am also quite picky when it comes to men (thankfully I know that about myself), so you really have to come from a good place if you want to squeeze into my little life. It sounds almost arrogant like this, but I do believe that a relationship should be an addition to your life, not an absolute necessity. My life is fun like this and will remain so, even without a relationship.
But around me, I see this mindset becoming less and less common. Everyone – except me – has a relationship in my oldest group of friends. Don't get me wrong: they have all hooked up with nice guys, but still, a kind of gap is slowly but surely forming. On one side are the taken ladies, on the other side are the singles. In this case, that is particularly unfavorable, as that single side consists of one person: me. And it's not even that I'm a wild single. On the contrary, I think I could just as well enter a convent when you look at how little I date.
And because of that gap, I notice that the prejudices are also growing larger. For example, it is assumed every Friday and Saturday that I can't join for dinner because I'm hanging out in the pub again. The fact that this is really not the case (I love lounging on the couch) and that many of my pub nights also arise from a lack of alternatives often doesn't occur to them. So hereby prejudice 1: a single does NOT only go to bed after seeing all the stars. And a single really finds an evening of lounging on the couch with friends just as fun.
The absolute peak was two weekends ago. A friend and I were watching football (go ladies) when we discussed what ‘the rest’ was doing. Now I immediately admitted that I didn't know, because I'm not invited anyway. However, he had asked around, but three couples had a ‘triple date drink’: he was therefore not welcome. Uh, what? I'm really very curious about what is being discussed here that singles are not allowed to be part of. And yes, the gap is getting bigger. Prejudice number two: singles can definitely talk about relationship topics (which apparently is a thing). Our interests are probably still the same, because we have been friends for years. And besides: you all were once single too. And I believe a relationship is not an exclusive club that I can't belong to.
Prejudice number 3. That can of course vary a bit per person, but as far as I'm concerned – I mentioned it briefly – single life is anything but wild. No conga line on my body, no strange men I wake up next to. Even sadder, there isn't even a man next to whom I wake up. But if that were the case, so what? ‘In the past’, most conversations revolved around flings, (failed) dates, and crushes. Because there is now a steady relationship, it can still be talked about, right? Even if in my case it is one person who talks about it.
That this is a growing phenomenon is clear. In 2014, the Volkskrant already dedicated an article to it. They called it ‘singlism’. Admittedly: this was mainly about the discrimination of singles regarding rental housing (also a prejudice: singles are noisier, wilder, throw too many parties, and are therefore not optimal as tenants – also not true). But I definitely feel that singlism in friend groups, so I will bring it up. But first, let me get drunk in the pub, because it's Friday of course. Oh no, just kidding, I just have another date with Netflix tonight. And my cat. Yes guys, single life is quite wild.
