Dating when you're 30: these things you'll recognise

I admit it straight away: I have never been a hero at dating. But I am a hero at cancelling Of dates, that is. The last-minute stresses then become too much for me and the sofa with blanket and movie suddenly seems so much more appealing. Two minutes later, the cancellation app sent and I settle down makeup-less in sweatpants on the sofa and watch Bridget Jones Diary or Mean Girls for the hundredth time. Sad picture you get of me that way, isn't it? Well, I can tell you: this tactic will indeed not get you partners. It took a few years, but I've figured it out now: this way of life is indeed the worst way to meet someone.

And to be honest, I never felt this pressure. But now that I am really close to hitting that Big 3-0 (I dare not even say the word) and there seems to be a baby boom all around me, I do occasionally think: should I throw myself back into the dating pool? And if so, how on earth do I go about it? Do the Tinder and Happn And hoping for my swipe at the white horse? Many of my girlfriends are now living together (some so already with baby or even the plural thereof), but I occasionally feel like I'm missing that nesting gene a bit or something. In any case, I still don't like dating much, even now that I'm almost no longer in my twenties.

As Robbie Williams sang so nicely: all the best women are married, all the handsome men are gay. That's kind of how I feel in this dating pool. Not that all the men I find attractive are immediately gay, but either they are married, engaged, in love or engaged, ten years younger than you actually thought or just ten years older than you think you are. Where you used to be able to catch a guy in the small Cooldown or Bubbels (bachelors of Amsterdam undoubtedly know these places), now they have to go through a whole ballotage committee, it seems. Because yes, you're ‘grown-up’ now (though I feel anything but), so you're actually looking for someone with whom you can start something of a future, right? At least that's what's expected around you and so every guy you stand around talking to for a moment is immediately branded as a potential Christmas dinner date. Benightedness all around me.

And no matter how much my girlfriends have my best interests at heart, and no matter how many times they point to someone and say, ‘No, but he's cute, isn't he?’ or that they say, ‘Well, just give him one chance’, I'm not feeling it, you know. Call me picky or demanding, but I've always thought that the feeling has to be right soon. Not instant love at first sight, but if you still don't have a topic of conversation after an hour of half-drunk talk, sober over a dinner party probably won't be any different, I'm afraid. So even though the pond I'm currently fishing in isn't getting any bigger, that handsome pike-perch for me is bound to be there.

And you know? If not, also good. In any case, that is something I have learned from the whole dating life: it is okay to be picky. And in any case, I'm not going to settle down with someone because you feel that's how it's supposed to be or that you're at the ‘age’ where you need to be more serious or committed. After all, being single is also okay, although not everyone realises that as you get older. So who knows, I might just write the exact same piece again in ten years, but with a cat or two more in the house, I guess. Crazy cat lady incoming.