The eight things that Lynn's new date is really scared of
Nice and casual having a beer at Louie Louie, I'm always up for that. He asks if I used to play hockey or if I was found on the tennis court and takes a sip of his IJwit. I reply that I was part of the korfball club for ten years. That sip of IJwit sprays across the table and there are four hundred question marks pressed into his forehead. ‘Korfball? You?’ Yup, I'm full of unexpected confessions that would give many a man a stroke.
Oh yes, with all those tricks up my sleeve, dates are never boring anyway.
And just like the waiter who has wiped the splash of IJwit off the table, comes shock number two - the transformation photo. Because there was a time when I weighed 15 kilos more. ‘Waiter, are there oxygen masks in the room?’
Because absolutely no one has Brabant villages on their topographical retina, I always initially say that I'm from Eindhoven. But during such a date, you usually go ‘deep’ and then comes the moment when I tell them that I'm actually ‘from the area of’ Eindhoven. From Oerle to be precise. ‘OERLE?! Is that even in the Netherlands?’
Not to mention the topic of ‘morning person or night owl’. That's also a classic that causes panic. That sour morning mood of mine has faded after puberty. Still, it's not like I leap out of bed lunging. Usually, it's rushing and running, and I'm just happy if I step out the door with two matching shoes. So, the fact that breakfast doesn't feature in my morning routine is no surprise, you'd think. Well, it actually is. Because that confession often leads to quite a wave of misunderstanding from the date in question.
By the way, haste is a recurring theme in my life anyway. I am in a hurry five times a day and then the Marie Kondo in me is nowhere to be found. I create a ‘My Life In Ruins’ situation in about five and a half minutes. Not only does that leave a date speechless; housemates, friends, and flings of housemates have to look twice when they walk past my room.
By nature, I am a Brabander, but I speak about 15 different accents fluently, including Flemish. And I switch those accents on exactly at the moments I feel like it. Swallow.
Netflix theme. I can be very brief about that: I know nothing about it. Casa de Pastel? Never seen it. HUH?
And when one IJwit suddenly becomes eleven IJwit, I end up in the depths of my cabinet of curiosities. For example, that I have the most expensive driver's license in the Netherlands. I'm not going to say exactly how many lessons I needed, but I'll give you an indication. About twice the number of lessons of an average driver.
Do you find it strange that I'm still single? I don't.
