The rules for wishing ‘happy new year’ at work

Tell me you didn't think about it when you stepped over the threshold this morning. If you're one of those clumsy ones who didn't take time off this week. We did. But that first day, in that first week, is a thing at the office. Because: you have to wish happy new year. And that's not at every workplace equally nice.

Are you going for kisses, no kisses, a handshake, or just prefer nothing? Now, thank goodness we don't have a Hans from HR here who grabs you by the neck and plants a wet smacker just a bit too close to the corner of your mouth, but we all know a Hans from HR. So if you have a Hans, we're thinking of you. And here are some options to tackle Hans.

1. Until when is it allowed? Opinions are divided. Some stick to Epiphany, which is always on January sixth, but there are also people who use January 15. If you don't want to take any risks, you take off until and including the fifteenth. Then you're safe with the Hanses of the world. But be warned: there seem to be people who continue to give best wishes throughout January.

2. The technique that always works: take a run at the front door, and I mean really put some effort into it, and dash to your desk while waving hard and shouting ‘Happy new year’, the last few meters you dive towards your chair. The hint is clear and you've immediately covered everyone. I would call it efficient.

3. Hans from HR, are you reading along? Don't let hands lead a life of their own, with one you grab your colleague's other hand or place them on the upper arm. Not on the neck, not on the back, not worse, just not. You place three kisses, half on the cheek half in the air, and done. To avoid confusion: you always kiss the right cheek first, with your head to the left.

4. Be the first. If you stroll in last and don't take a run-up, then you're in trouble. Everyone will grab you. But if you're already engrossed in a report at eight o'clock sharp, then Hans won't dare to disturb you.

5. Feign illness, tissue to your nose and sniff loudly. Sounds disgusting and it is, but it works brilliantly. Your colleagues will step back just the right number of centimeters to avoid those kisses.

6. Also an option: enjoy the love. It might just be that you love all those wet smacks, hugs, and just a bit too firm handshakes. This is your day, take them.

Finally, for if your name happens to be Hans: my apologies, it wasn't personal.