We need to talk about Orlando Bloom's house

A look into the interior is a look straight into someone's soul. So it's no surprise that the Ibiza rugs are flying around at Patty Brard's and that Jan and Monique des Bouvrie ‘enjoying’ sleek, white, and rock and roll. And now there is the interior of our favorite Pirates of the Caribbean hottie Orlando, because the gentleman is putting the place up for sale. What does his shabby villa in Beverly Hills cost? 9 million. By the way, still cheap for that area but that's beside the point, we are dealing with a bigger problem. I have been in love with Orlando for years, but now the only thing I can look at is that extremely American twenty-eight person couch that is SUNKEN into the floor. Sorry, but how much more pornographic/ordinary/not-at-all-Orlando-proof do you want it to be? It's the couch that suddenly makes me doubt the bedroom that suddenly looks not clean but just boring. The kitchen is one for types like Dexter, who overpower their prey with a syringe in the neck and then saw them into pieces wrapped in foil, you can see that right away? Damn, Bloom, what does this mean for our future? And how come you are getting married and moving in with Katy Perry? Sigh…