Amayzine

Why a toastie can be the most disappointing dish in your life

toastie with cheese onion tomato on a white plate

It is that it is not spelling-wise correct, otherwise I would say that a good toastie is ‘the life’ (who knows, the Green Book might approve it soon). My edge over the pants edge is entirely and solely due to cheese and especially melted cheese. Thus, my ultimate hangover food is a hefty baguette with ham and melted cheese, which can be dressed up with herbs of your choice or a grilled tomato for the enthusiast.

By the way, have you ever had a properly baked pantosti? After this form of perfection, you never want anything flattened out of a toast maker again, even though such an item can occasionally (read: at three o'clock at night) be exceptionally satisfying. But as much pleasure as a correct toastie brings, so sad can a failed one be. I can genuinely be sad about the missed opportunity itself. The right cheese-bread-crunch-ham-herb ratio makes you the happiest breakfast, brunch, or lunch person in the world. And this is what we do NOT mean by this...

  • A toastie where all your cheese has leaked out. That on your baking sheet a crunchy cheese crust has formed, but that on your sandwich a distant memory of a toastie remains.
  • Or that one where you try to be thin, but the 20+ cheese doesn't melt as nicely as the full cheese. And you know this, but you try again anyway.
  • In the category we-all-know-this: that half of your toastie sticks to the top of the iron when you open it, making it a stringy situation.
  • When I order a toastie for lunch, I expect a toastie of size, with extra love (and extra cheese). Sometimes tears come to your eyes from what is on your plate. What do you think of one from plastic that you get at the café around the corner at night, but then as lunch? They should be banned.
  • The too wet toastie is wrong on all fronts. It bends, making you know that the bread does not have the right crunch. The bread is too sticky, the cheese is too wet, and with a bit of bad luck, your ketchup leaks out as well.

I have only one piece of advice for this disappointment: run.