Whatever you do: you must not click on this message

So. I've got your attention right away. Right? Just by saying that you can't, the little rebel in your brain has risen up thinking: what, not clicking? Bam. I'm clicking now. Tell me I can't do something and I want it. I want it more. I want it anyway.

I was fourteen and on vacation with my mother. When we arrived at the pool on the first day, there were three guests who looked rather, how shall I put it, shady. Joint in the corner of their mouth, gold panther chain, just a bit too much cash, you know the type. ‘Kiki, stay away from those guys. Do you hear me?’ I heard her. The next day I became friends with the shady boys. My mother nearly had a heart attack when she saw me sitting by the pool with three kilos of someone else's gold around my neck.

What is it with us that we want something precisely when it’s actually ‘forbidden’? Why do you crave a greasy cheese soufflé or a tub of Ben & Jerry’s misery when you’re on a diet? Why did that guy seem so much more interesting when he had a girlfriend? Why did you sneak into the woods behind school during break when your parents promised you your driver's license if you didn't? Why did Tiger Woods do what he did knowing it hurt his wife? Why do you buy that one item at the end of the month when you actually have no money left?

Blame it on the forbidden fruit. The Romeo and Juliet effect is the tendency to return to desire more and more when it’s forbidden. Everything that is not allowed suddenly becomes interesting, suddenly becomes a challenge. Our subconscious cannot handle negatives. You can actually benefit from this, by the way, just tell someone: you can't do it. Bet it triggers something? There are quite a few people who want to ‘mismatch’: whatever you say, they like to do the opposite of what you actually say. Even if it’s just to feel like they are in control. The solution is simple: reverse psychology.

Whoever masters reverse psychology is a master. This technique can also serve as a language softener. You soften your message when you say that something ‘isn't necessary’. You don’t have to decide now, Kiki. Just take a look. Hmm, no, wait. I already know. Start a sentence with ‘Hey, I don’t know if this is something for you (this arouses curiosity and a ‘I'll decide that for myself’ feeling), but we have a new salad on the menu today.’ Suddenly you think it’s Very Much That The Salad Is Something For You.

Don’t get any crazy ideas in your head. Do not think of a giraffe with a purple hat. Forget number 256. You are not allowed to remember number 256. Do you hear me? Really not. Let it go. Do you feel me? If I call you tomorrow and ask what the number was, you will say: 256. So, let that be a tip for next time. Saying things like: ‘Don't forget to stop by the post office’ actually works counterproductively. Look the other person in the eye and say: ‘Whatever you do... you are not going near the post office today. You are not going there. And certainly not to pick up that package. No. Do you hear me?’

Ah, people. Exceptionally complicated creatures we are. Exhausting. But interesting. But exhausting.