The 10 things in which wine never disappoints you, but your date does

If you've read some of my articles by now, you might already know a few things about me. For example, that I do enjoy a drink (and that doesn't always lead me to make the best decisions) and that I'm not a big fan of dating. I notice in my surroundings that especially the latter sometimes causes some misunderstanding, except from my cat; she finds my single life more than fine. The fact that I take my cat's judgment into my arguments is also seen as strange by those around me.

Vicious circle all around. But well, with the following arguments, you can't help but agree. I'm going to explain to you in detail what the things are in which wine never disappoints and your date easily can. Wine is just a lot more reliable, I've found out. White, red, or rosé — pour it in, please.

1. You can taste wine, but not your date. How nice would it be if you could quickly screen, test, taste your date before you actually commit to a date that has to last several hours? With wine, you can taste if there's cork in it. If so: return that bottle. With your date: impossible. How relaxed would it be if you could check if that potential date has some cork in them? A stalking ex, a terrible sense of humor, or do they secretly still live at home? That kind of cork.
2. A woody wine can taste good, but not your date. Yes, some people actually like that woody touch in a wine, but if you're on the dance floor with your date who transforms into wooden Klaas, you're not happy. And worse: you can't know that in advance. With a wine, that's just very clearly stated in the description: wood-aged. Very nice if you know in advance whether your date is also wood-aged. Can you leave your dancing shoes at home or do you know that he/she might be a beast in bed.
3. Wine understands that sometimes you need to breathe, your date often doesn't. Yes, a glass of wine can taste so much better if you've let it breathe for a moment, given it some air. Try explaining that to your date after a few dates; it often doesn't go over well. This doesn't apply to all dates, though; some are a bit more understanding, thankfully. But wine, it understands this all the time.
4. A sour wine can be very good, a sour date not. If your favorite is a Sauvignon Blanc with a sour touch; that's perfectly fine. You can still match your food nicely (real enthusiasts often match their food to their wine instead of the other way around... I'm definitely guilty of that). However, if your date is sour, you can order the whole menu, that sourness cannot be compensated.
5. With wine, you can easily pretend to be an expert, but not with a date. Well, bluffing is probably never good, but many of us (me included) do that sometimes when tasting wine. ‘Oh, yes, I clearly taste a peachy overtone in this wine.’ In reality, you only taste one thing, and that's wine, but in the meantime, you come across as a real connoisseur. On a date, that often goes less smoothly. You just hit that topic where your date is an expert and you get caught out. No, we don't want that. Wine understands that you can just bluff.
6. You can change the temperature of wine, but not that of your date. Is your red wine just a bit too warm? Let's put it in some ice. Is your white wine really ice-cold? Let it sit for a bit. Either way: solved. But if your date has a hard time warming up to you, you can put them next to that heater, but that's probably not going to have the desired effect. The other way around might work: if they are being way too clingy towards you. You could always throw a bucket of ice over their head, then you know for sure they'll be gone immediately. But whether that's the tactic you should go for, I don't know.
7. Knowing a lot about wine is seen as good knowledge, knowing everything about dating often isn't. If you can tell all sorts of things about different wines during many dinners, where they come from, what year, how long they had to age, you absolutely steal the (wine) show. But if you proclaim during many dinners that you've dated all of Amsterdam, where they came from, how old they were, whether they age beautifully or not, you'll get some strange looks. Clearly a field where you apparently shouldn't flaunt your knowledge.
8. With wine, you can easily go on vacation, with your date often not. Yes, tell your surroundings that you're going on a wine trip and people understand you. Going on vacation with your date is often a no-go. However, you do go on vacation for the same reason: to learn more about your travel partner. Whether it's wine or your date, with wine as a travel partner, it's just never an issue how quickly you make that decision. A wine trip is always a good idea, a vacation with a date requires some considerations.
9. Wine in a nice glass always tastes better, a date is harder to disguise. This might be personal, but I always find wine tastes better when served in a nice glass. I'm also the kind of person who asks if there's another glass when a wine is poured into a glass without a stem. You know, those little glasses you can stack. Pour it into a nice glass and your wine immediately feels a lot more luxurious. For your date, well, that doesn't work. They can have the most beautiful clothes, such a nice appearance... If the inner self doesn't match, it's a hopeless case. Side note: this obviously doesn't work for the absolute worst wines, okay. Although you shouldn't put yourself through drinking those anyway.
10. Lastly, a tie: too much of both will definitely give you a headache. Sorry guys, but I can't make this much prettier. Too much wine is just a headache, whether you've drunk the cheapest Château de Migraine or the most expensive champagne, that hangover will be there. But also if that date is really too much and you're disturbed by the calls and messages, that headache will come quickly. Let's take a lesson from this: enjoy, but drink in moderation. Or at least keep the ibuprofen handy.

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm definitely pouring myself one now. It's the weekend, I have no date, but an abundance of wine and the sun is shining; I'm a happy person.