The 7 decisions you should not make when you are drunk

Well, we've all been there, I'm afraid. Looking too deep into the glass. Whether it's the beer goggles, a bottle too many of the Château du Migraine (unfortunately you only find out about that the next day), or that your True Vodka self comes out; we've all had too much to drink at some point, I fear. I certainly have too, where I mainly blamed other factors. ‘It was so much fun’, ‘I'm not going to turn down a drink when it's offered to me?’, ‘I'm not going to be the only one skipping a round of shots’; you know the excuses. I can now tell you that I've realized that mainly I am the problem and particularly my lack of backbone. I have the feeling that it resolves itself in the evening and I turn into a Vodka Weekend Creature. Fun, not wise. Especially because after a few drinks I'm always convinced that I'm making the best decisions (spoiler: those are often the worst). Below is a list of those decisions you think you can make, but no. These 7 decisions you really should leave to your sober self. Drunk self will thank you later.

1. Leave. Your. Phone. Alone. I cannot stress this enough. No matter how strong the urge is to let your friends know you love them, that your favorite song is playing, that it's oh-so-fun here: just don't. And those are still the positive messages (which are often received less positively when people are woken from their sleep), but when it comes to your ex(-fling), I think people should have the right to confiscate your phone. I've also thought that around half past two at night was a great time to tell Mr. Not-So-Right the truth. What turns out? People don't take you seriously at all. not at all. No plea. In short: keep that phone unused. Unless you want to order your Uber, that's the only exception.

2. No, you really haven't suddenly developed immunity to tequila and yes, the chance is high that you'll throw it up again. Also known as overconfidence. I have this myself with Sambuca, and once a year I become so confident that I think I can definitely drink it again once more. Ehm... no. I have one girlfriend who effortlessly downs tequilas, but that's really the exception. I think for the majority the rule is: shots are never a good idea, especially not if you already have a blurred vision. So leave the shots alone, it definitely helps with the hangover.

3. #Healthy lifestyle. While during the day we massively indulge in shakes, smoothies, and other Rens Kroes-approved dishes, the shawarma place and McDonald's fill up at night. And I don't know if they make that Big Mac differently in the late hours, but it always seems so much tastier after two in the morning. But drink + fatty food = not necessarily a good combo. I certainly feel anything but fit or healthy the next day, knowing that I've devoured another burger (and then immediately go for the complete menu, right, you're already there) . A kind of second dinner. A bit of a waste of your healthy efforts during the day. So it's better to go home.

4. Posting photos online. This falls a bit under the same category as your phone, because that's what you post them with, of course. So also in this category: sleep on it for another night. Because no matter how charming the photo of you with your friends is (bonus point if the duckface is present multiple times), you might think differently about it tomorrow. Maybe just add a filter, for example. Or not realizing that you have to work the next day and you have all kinds of colleagues on social media (trust me: this can turn ugly). Falling from grace is always unpleasant, but hiding your hangover becomes very difficult then.

5. Avoid that walk of shame. And that can be done in several ways. For example, I have a habit of leaving my trusty steel horse here and there and taking an Uber home (apparently I become a diva when I've been drinking, cycling really takes too much effort). It's only a matter of time before it gets stolen. Another girlfriend of mine had this brilliant plan on King's Day and a year later she's still trying to figure out where she put it. But also when it comes to Mrs./Mr. Right-For-One-Night, it's still wise to weigh the pros and cons against each other. That walk the next morning is always really confronting, often unfortunately just like the one you wake up next to (where you drunkenly clearly had a better connection with).

6. Don't bail. I know: it's very tempting to call your boss feeling sorry for yourself, but it's not classy. So even if you drank too much in the evening, hop, get out of bed and kick that butt towards work. Especially if you didn't follow tip number 4 and your colleagues have already seen you hanging out until the early hours. And don't come up with excuses. A girlfriend of mine suggested the next morning that the food might not have settled well... No darling, those liters of wine you had in between, those might not have settled well. A consolation: it will be evening again soon and then you can drown on the couch in self-pity.

7. Last but not least: save the quasi-intellectual discussions for later. Admittedly: as an outsider they are usually entertaining (until they become tiring), but drunk people discussing politics, work, the current economy, or other societal issues... The passion always shines through, but in terms of content, it still lacks quite a bit. Good conversations are of course really fine, but with a drink in hand, that often escalates quickly into a ‘no-I'm-right-because-I-talk-louder’-dialogue. So entertaining for a while, but not for long.

Well, dear drinking companions, after I've given you my wise advice... let's just have one drink, shall we? Cheers.

Written by: Wieke Veenboer