The 5 stages you go through when you have heartbreak
I have been in an incredibly happy relationship for a hundred years now, but I could fill buckets with tears over men who didn't want to, weren't good enough, or couldn't. Some, very handsome, combined all three in one person, and it was precisely that person I fell in love with. Anyway, you should come to me when it comes to the stages of heartbreak.
1. Let it go, let it be
Tears, wine, chocolate, cigarettes; everything in unlimited amounts. And very gladly with girlfriends who don't mind that you discuss the same situations over and over and over again. Indulge in your sadness, admit that you are suffering, and let that broken heart heal.
2. Revenge
You are going to look for his new girlfriend (because let's not beat around the bush, that's usually how it goes). On Facebook, on Insta. You check out her entire online ecosystem, who she is friends with, and damn, if it's not true, you seem to have a lot of overlap. And damn, if it's not true II, that jerk likes her posts as if his life depends on it. You want to dump a cubic meter of sand in front of her door, create a profile for her on a dating site, have eighteen boxes of pizza delivered, and fantasize about stealing her car keys, driving her car at 170 past 14 speed cameras, then returning the car and as a final touch, puncturing the tires. That, you think all of that. But you don't do it. In the end, you have a problem with him (or with her, if your ex is a woman) and not with the newcomer.
3. Emptiness
Sadness turned into anger and anger turned into emptiness. Something incredibly funny happens at work that you would have shared with him otherwise. You find out you won that pitch you both prepared together and you hear your song on the radio. Suddenly, you realize you haven't spoken to him in 17 days and you have no idea where he is at this moment, while you used to know his day minute by minute.
4. The first time
The seasons have to pass before you are really over your heartbreak. The first summer without him, the first King's Day, the first Christmas. And then comes the first date. The first time having sex with someone else.
5. The relapse
You are strong enough to talk everything out once. It was still very beautiful and let's cherish the good moments. So you text him. He responds immediately. Dinner? And yes, it can be better at your place than in a restaurant, because that makes it a lot easier to talk, and yes, while you are cutting the baguette at the counter, he kisses you on the neck and you start again at step 1. Here you can read why having sex with your ex is indeed a good idea.
And how it continues... That relapse wasn't such a good idea after all. You didn't break up for nothing, you come to that conclusion after a few sexual healing sessions. And then and then and then. Then it is, if you ask me as an expert by experience, a matter of not immediately throwing yourself onto someone else (unless for horizontal fun, that's allowed) but letting the wound heal and being ‘clean’ for a while before you open the door again to another.
