A little course: how to learn to listen
Sometimes I hang up after a half hour of calling and think: fuck, (pardon and not to be confused with f*cking) I need to call her back because I've only talked myself. half an hour of calling and think: fuck, (pardon and not to be confused with f*cking) I need to call her back because I've only talked myself. Usually, I text that there is something to follow up, to which I always get back that it's okay and she can just talk in our next call and I can't. Listening, I always think that almost no one can do it, but it's a bit different.
Kiki just said: ‘When I listen well, I hear what beautiful things people have to say.’ Which is true, because we apparently are not so bad at listening, we often choose not to do it, expert Corine Jansen tells LINDA. Something to think about, because suddenly it is no longer a bad trait of someone but a choice not to pay attention to what you say. Honestly, that does hurt a bit.
You might know them, those people who immediately have their own story ready when you tell something. You read a good book, she read a better book. You watched a nice series, she did too. You went on vacation, she just went a bit more often. That ‘maybe’ I could have left out, because many people are like that in practice. It seems to be very normal, because our ego ensures that we like to be the one talking. But how do you feel when you can physically see someone drifting away while you are still in the middle of your vacation story, work presentation, or deep soul-searching? Not amused, of course, and rightly so.
I sometimes catch myself already writing an email in my head to this or that person while someone is still talking to me. That's something I find a bit silly about myself. That's why I have set a goal to learn to listen better, I just think I will pick up something from everything people have to tell me.
Do you want this too? These are the tips I will try...
1. Ask yourself if you ask questions when someone talks to you. A trick to test if you are really listening.
2. Listen as you would want someone else to listen to you, advises listening expert Jansen. It has almost something poetic when you take the time to think about it.
3. Just keep your mouth shut for a moment when someone is done talking. This way you know if your conversation partner was really done and shows that you take the time to listen well.
4. Don't wait like a saint for your turn to talk, because waiting for your turn actually means that you are not listening but almost starting your own story.
5. If you have little or no time to listen, indicate this. Postpone the listening or say how long you have and really listen during those minutes.
6. Let your body language speak for you, so someone sees that you are listening. Look someone in the eye and don't hum too often and much. Being silent actually means that you are focused on that person.
And good to remember: only people who are psychopathic get away with the excuse that they cannot listen. So it is either a choice or the person in question has a bigger problem.
Source: Linda.nl, SoChicken
