Diary of a model
Lily spends her days as a model, rushing from shoot to show and on to yet another casting. On Amayzine, she tells you all about what her life is really like. Under a different name, of course, but that means she can share all the juicy details. This week: Lily learns to deal with disappointments.
The course on dealing with disappointments was canceled again this week, and that’s quite a bummer. It was fashion week in New York, and besides being a week full of castings, fittings, shows, and events, it’s also a week full of, you guessed it, disappointments. I’ll take you on a journey full of rejection, expectations, and anticlimaxes. Since the course didn’t take place, I’ll give you a lesson on disappointment.
The castings
Around nine o'clock in the evening, I receive my schedule for the next day from my booker. The fashion week castings are starting, nice last minute as per usual, now really. I pack my heels and comp cards into a bag, ready to rock! There are about eight castings in the email, and I’m figuring out which route I should take. Eight chances to make a good first impression, so there must be success to be found.
But then you arrive at the casting and see twenty beautiful girls sitting in front of you, and you only have about half a minute to make an impression. Heels on, comp card in hand, and confidently walking up to the casting director. Handing over the card, doing a little catwalk strut, and waiting to see what the reaction is. Sometimes they want to take a photo, sometimes you’re allowed to leave, sometimes they ask you to change something, and sometimes they’re so busy talking that they miss your entire catwalk performance, and you can walk away disappointed.
You often notice right away if the casting directors find you interesting, and you can tell when they have no interest. That direct “in your face” rejection in front of a group of fellow models is painful, but it’s part of it. So you grab your bag and head to the next casting, hoping for more success there.
It’s important to keep telling yourself that it’s not personal. That you don’t fit the brand or the taste of the casting director or designer is something you can’t change. But it’s still hard to not see the disinterest and rejection in the casting director’s gaze more often than not.
The competition
Don’t take anything personally, I keep telling myself. The other mantra I repeat in my head is: don’t compare yourself to others. At a casting, you wait, surrounded by beautiful fellow models, until it’s your turn to show your stuff. Everyone is beautiful and unique in their own way. It’s very difficult not to compare yourself to others: She’s taller, she’s thinner, she has prettier eyes than I do, and she has a very unique but incredibly memorable face (model aliens have been very popular at fashion week for several seasons now). I often try to retreat to a corner with my phone or book. In that safe bubble, the waiting time goes by much faster.
The agency
Despite my good intentions, I haven’t always found it fun or easy. Luckily, I have a fantastic agency that is there for me. After sending a message to one of my bookers that I was starting to feel a bit insecure, time was immediately scheduled for a chat. My agent took a break from his glowing red laptop to discuss the plan with me again: “shows are just heated fuss, a small part of the industry. It’s about getting to know as many people as possible now, to book the (money) jobs later.”
In the end, the shows are only a few weeks a year, and it’s about the work you do afterward. However, due to the enormous attention given to the shows at that moment, it’s easy to lose sight of reality and the future from time to time.
Relieved and full of confidence, I walked out of the agency half an hour later. I am incredibly grateful for the wonderful personal agency I’m with, with fantastic sweet bookers.
The shows
And that confidence has helped! Not long after, the first fittings were confirmed. I walked in a number of shows, the clients' reactions were positive, and the first options for after fashion week are already in the agenda. Mission accomplished!
But how do you deal with disappointments?
- Share it, you’re not the only one with insecurities.
- Surround yourself with a trusted, nice group of people.
- Keep your eyes on the future, new opportunities will always come your way.
- Don’t lose sight of reality, setbacks can consume you but are just that: setbacks.
- Celebrate success. Even if it’s just something small like an egg with two yolks. Notice it and be grateful for it.
XX kisses from Lily XX
