Fighting on The Voice

Friday night you can mark us out on the sofa, glass of wine at nine o'clock (the direction), Voice app at three and the TV as the central hub at 12. So I am already looking forward to tonight. Especially since last week I saw an announcement of the only real battle that matters in 2020: the one between Lil Kleine and Anouk.

An internet search reveals that we won't see the fight until February 7, yet it was really announced last week. Maybe it was a hallucination, the result of one sip too many of my delicious vino or a stunt by RTL to tempt me to watch again later (no need, I'm watching anyway), but for a moment I was once again under the spell of Anouk and Lil.

Because what must it be like to have someone who, as soon as he opens his mouth, sounds to you like sixteen chalks across the blackboard? I can imagine Anouk having that with Lil Kleine's Cruijffian one-liners namely. ‘I think you very much show that you're just doing something you actually really like. You can also hear that in your voice. Only, when I look at you like that, I see that you can do a lot more.’

You see the real talent is concentrated on the right (for the viewer), where Waylon and Anouk sometimes seem unable to contain their laughter when Lil Kleine once again turns first, and only. To somewhat make up for his surprising choice, he nods very approvingly to Ali B. Like: dude, this is really good.

Let's not beat around the bush: Ali B is there because he makes great television and colours a broadcast. Anouk and Waylon are the only real musicians. I'm guessing Ali and Lil Kleine can't point to the G on the piano and also don't know that a piano has 88 keys (I had to look it up myself), but that doesn't matter in itself. They too have success and hits and I saw Lil Kleine once at the Friends of Amstel and I was impressed by how such a little guy gets such a room moving. I sang ‘Drank and Drugs’ all day after (tad embarrassing as a mother of three, but so be it), so all credit to Lil and Ali, but in terms of singing ability, they obviously can't even tie the laces of Anouk and Waylon.

So I quite understand that Anouk had some built-up acid where Kleine's somewhat less knowledgeable comments were concerned, and that came out in a big gulp when he wouldn't comment on an artist of his genre.

Anouk had been smiling amicably for weeks when she heard some simmering on her own right and had been critical and knowledgeable yet friendly and polite to the candidates all season so far, but now it was coming out. Quite understandable in itself, too.

So we are going to see all that tonight. But what we don't see is what happened backstage. There, the ten-letter k-word was allegedly dropped which was followed by a left direct from Anouk. And my guess is that Anouk is quite a boxing bitch who slams Lil right into the ropes of the ring with a solid punch.

It seems that there will soon be substitute coaches so that the two bantams do not have to be in a room at the same time. I would love it, a double battle. One on stage and one in the seats.

But tonight is tonight is tonight and is the talk show war momentarily knocked off the throne by The Voice fight.