If you never Netflix

‘Have you seen ‘Don’t F*ck with Cats’?’ my friend asks hopefully. I have no idea what she’s talking about. Besides, I think it’s a strange name for a series. Or is it a movie, documentary, or maybe… a podcast?

Confessed: I am one of those people who never Netflixes.

And I really find that quite a shame. Because half of the conversations at work or with friends I can no longer follow at all. It's about You, Sex Education, La Casa de Papel and more names that mean very little to me. ‘I'm totally into The Crown.’ Uh, okay. What's that? I'm also the type who has never listened to a podcast and, here it comes... Doesn't have a Spotify account. Just not. I do listen to music sometimes, yes, but then very old-fashioned on the radio. I know: it can't be done anymore.

With more than 3.3 million users in the Netherlands and 65 million subscribers worldwide, Netflix is the number one among streaming services. A total of 140 million hours are watched each day. I just don't have time for it, with two small children. And when I do have time and try to open the app on the television, which I barely understand, I just don't know where I should start. Five seasons of 109 episodes: come on, at my pace I won't be done in four years. It makes no sense. If I do watch something, it's series I already know, from the times when people still, you know, just watched television. After dinner. Gilmore Girls, Modern Family, Friends, that idea. Yes, I hear it myself too. I am completely uncool.

So: who helps me? I also want to be able to cheer about a great movie or series. I also want to join the conversation. I also want to know what podcasts are. How you get them. Where you listen to them. Could it be on Spotify? But believe me: if you have two babies, friends, a partner, family, a job and you sometimes want to paint your nails and a sounds like a great plan, but can we do it Saturday night instead of Tuesday? We’ll have plenty of time.” Always works. somewhere, well, then I wouldn't really know where to find the hours. ‘Do you have Videoland?’, my friend tries again, cautiously. I just say ‘yes’, but secretly I have never watched or have it. Isn't that from RTL with all those bad shows? When my husband hears me asking this, he rolls his eyes and says nothing back. Oops. He clearly knows what Videoland is. And he has an account. There are still things after all these years that I don't know about him, apparently.

I decide to google. If I want to keep up with the times, still have friends to talk to, not disappoint my husband anymore, then I have to get to work. I type in: ‘how long before you have watched everything on Netflix’. My goodness. You don't want to know. I still have 34,739 hours to go.