If you suddenly discover The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

It was recorded almost ten years ago, but it has only recently appeared on Netflix (or only recently in my recommended list): The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I once sat next to Mauricio Umansky (Kyle's husband) in a restaurant in LA (when I was there for Holland’s Next Top Model) and had a great chat with him, so I was quite curious.

The Real Housewives is a kind of endless TLC. To keep the cultural value somewhat balanced, I simultaneously had the Kirov ballet's Swan Lake dancing on my laptop, laid my feet on a stack of Mulisch and my head on Anna Karenina (the last two are of course made up). Just laying out the facts.

1. That decor
Money like water, but taste is not for sale. What hideous interiors they all have. With the low point being the kitchens with oak cabinets, really as if you walk into the fifties. Furthermore, lots of orchids, brass, polished glass, and little dogs. Individuality is a word that does not appear on the ladies' Pinterest page.

2. The procedures
The lips, the breasts, the fake hair, the fillers, the white teeth: everything, everything, everything has been done.

3. Camille Grammer
Camille is exactly how you want it: two children and four nannies. Read that right. Not four children and two nannies, no, two children and four nannies. And she keeps complaining about how hard and busy she has it. By the way, the children were born via a surrogate, I don't know the details, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was for the sake of preserving the divine body. Research has shown that Camille has now been replaced by a lady who is thirty years younger than Kelsey. And how sad for Camille too, it makes the picture completely complete.

4. Lisa Vanderpump
She had me at the first sentence. “This is my husband and I’m his sex object. Every time he wants sex, I object.” She has had a total of 36 restaurants, was a child star, and is a real entrepreneur. She filled her empty nest with fluffy dogs, which eventually led to a dog collection. I like Lisa a lot.

5. The children's parties
Taylor Armstrong is the archetypical LA wife. Drop-dead gorgeous, but completely driven by money. When she calls her husband, she says: “Money?”, uh I mean: Honey.” She is already working on the possibility of being traded in for a fresher fruit. Anyway, their child is turning four and it will be a party with a party planner, table decorations: all together about 50,000 dollars. There will be 25 kids and 35 of mom's friends. For her daughter, she buys her first diamond necklace (in the shape of Barbie, never seen something so hideous) and then buys a yellow variant for herself. All the kids who also came to the party received a cheaper version of the necklace. Because we all know: a four-year-old girl wants diamonds the most, right?

6. About that Taylor
I also went to research her… Her name was Shane Lynette, well, that’s not really a gold digger name. She went to LA and met her husband Russell there, who I also find terrible and unkind in the series. After the series, she files for divorce and then he commits suicide. Okay guys, my next article will be about how everyone is doing now. Man, what stories they all have.

Image: Bravo