Real life: “He left just before Christmas”

That Christmas often turns out very differently than we think is often the case. But what was certain for Lise (29) was that she would spend it with Jeffrey (28), her boyfriend. Only he decided to pack his bags two weeks before Christmas and that came as a shock.

“It probably sounds so stupid and naive, but I just really didn't see it coming. I felt like our relationship was just as fun and good as always. We had been together for over 4.5 years — of course, you’re not head over heels in love and all mushy every day anymore, but we were happy. I thought. And there was still so much love between us. At least, from my side. From his side, that was clearly not the case. And instead of talking to me about it, he decided to pull the plug right away.

We lived together and both worked from home. Not very ideal, but we worked in separate rooms and honestly, I found it quite cozy. Having a coffee and smoke break together, chatting a bit in between, it was actually quite nice. As if we were a kind of colleagues. However, I did notice that we were getting a bit stuck in a rut because of it. We did see friends, but not that often. Because of corona, but also because we were both often quite tired after work.

That tiredness also affected our sex life. I was always very satisfied with it, but since we started working from home, since corona actually, it became less and less. I attribute it to the tiredness and the stress; his father and mother had corona and were quite sick from it. His father was in the hospital for a while and that hit Jeffrey very hard, understandably.

But in the last few months, it got worse. His father is fortunately healthy again now, but Jeffrey became more and more unreachable. I see that much clearer in hindsight, at that moment I didn't realize the seriousness of it. We all have a dip sometimes, right? I told myself he just wasn't feeling great.

I didn't even talk about it with my friends because I didn't see it as important at all. But then, on a Tuesday evening a week and a half ago, he said he was done. Totally unsuspecting, I asked done with what, was it work? “No, with us,” he replied. Of all the ways he could choose, he did it like this. In the kitchen, while we were preparing dinner. “I’m done.” What a blunt jerk, I think in hindsight.

Completely stunned, I couldn't say anything. Why, and how come? I asked those questions but got no answer. He only said that he was sure, that it wasn't my fault but that his feelings were gone. He kept repeating that he felt nothing for me anymore. Then he went to pack his bag and left for his brother's. I finished dinner in silence. I couldn't even cry then, I was completely in shock.

But those tears are there now. Telling everyone, my friends and my parents, who also didn't see this coming at all. All the sympathy. The Christmas plans, which were already a bit different, have fallen apart. Suddenly, I was aimlessly on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. The last week, I have been a bit drowned in my self-pity and even though I have received enough offers to join people, I don't want to. I don't understand why this suddenly happened, why this timing and why Jeffrey is being so harsh. He even blocked my number so I can hardly ask him. Did I misjudge him so much, almost five years long?”

In this unusual time, we asked people for their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Lise and Jeffrey have been changed.