Real life: ‘I am ashamed of my too large labia’

Sophie (25) lives in Amsterdam and has never had a relationship. Of course, she has kissed while going out, but every time it threatens to become something more serious, she cuts it off. Her whole life she has been insecure about her body, and one part in particular...

‘My deflowering was a nightmare. I was 19 years old and the very last of my group of friends. In hindsight, I realize that I didn't do it because I wanted to or because I liked the guy in question, but because I wanted to belong. Often, our conversations revolved around sex, different boys, and everything was discussed in detail. I never lied about it: I always admitted that I was still a virgin and my friends accepted that, but they did find it a bit strange.

“But you are so pretty and fun!” they would exclaim. And to be honest: when it comes to my face and figure, I really can't complain. Not that I think I'm a perfect ten, but I do look okay. Now I also have the luck that I hardly gain weight and can actually eat what I want — to the jealousy of my friends. I do enjoy flirting and I'm actually not insecure about that. But still, I've only been to bed with one guy. In fact, he's the only one I've gone further with than just kissing.

My whole life I have been incredibly insecure about my labia. From the moment I started to get a bit involved with boys, I have been self-conscious about it. That they were really, in my feeling, excessively large, I didn't realize. That only came later: when I went on vacation to Greece with friends for the first time at seventeen. There were six of us and I shared a room with one of my best friends. When I came out of the shower with a towel wrapped around my hair, she looked at me strangely. “Wow Soof, your labia are quite prominent.”

I was shocked: I had never looked at them that way. Were they really that weirdly large? It made me so insecure. And I also felt very stupid that I had never thought about it before. Apparently, they were so large that they immediately stood out. How would it be if a guy saw me naked? They would definitely notice right away, let alone if they got close with their face. This insecurity made it terrifying for me to go further with a guy.

The first time that happened, I went all the way right away. It was after a night out, with a guy I didn't know at all. Nothing romantic, just a first name and a lot of drinks beforehand. He came home with me to Amsterdam, where I lived with a roommate. It hurt a lot and I didn't feel comfortable at all. When he immediately put on his clothes afterward and left without even asking for my number, that was a confirmation for me: I was not successful.

Since that one time, it has always just been kissing. I just don't dare anymore. My friends think I'm picky and don't know about my insecurity. The friend who made the comment in Greece I still talk to a lot. She is the only one who knows about my insecurity and feels very guilty. She feels like she has instilled a complex in me. I don't see it that way at all; I'm actually glad she pointed it out to me.

Because a search on the internet quickly confirmed my suspicions... My labia are really large. Very large. Now that the Netherlands is slowly opening up again after corona, I have made the decision for myself: I am going to do something about this. The first intake for a labiaplasty is scheduled and I have the money for it. No one knows about it, except for that one friend. I really can't wait. I feel like that's when my sex life will finally begin. Finally, at twenty-five.’

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their honest story. Due to privacy, Sophie’s name has been changed.