Real life: I am in love with my best friend but he is not in love with me

Nikki (26) has been friends with Daan (28) for over five years. He sees her as one of his best friends and so does she — although she would like more. 

‘I know Daan through my best friend Esmee. They both worked at the same café and I often went there to visit my best friend or to have a drink after her work. Daan was already working there then and has since become the manager. The first time I saw him, I thought right away: what a nice guy. Esmee said he was single, but that he was also very happy with that. A bit of a player, she called him.

One evening, when the three of us were left after quite a few drinks, I had known Daan for a few months, and the spark ignited for me. Esmee went home, so it was just the two of us left, and within fifteen minutes we were passionately kissing. I went home with him, where we had sex. I woke up with a hangover, but also happy — I really liked him, I realized. The following week it happened again, only this time he came home with me.

Maybe naïve, but after that second time I thought that something nice could come out of it. I sent him a message the following week asking if he wanted to come over for dinner, my housemates were not home so this seemed like a good moment. Unfortunately, he couldn't that evening: he had to work, but did I want to come by for a drink? Of course, I wanted to, and I was quite disappointed when I arrived and he was still working.

In fact, it didn't seem like he had even counted on my arrival. But I wasn't going to let that get me down, I knew more people there than just Daan, and I sat at the bar with some of his colleagues until he was done. When we were the only two left at the end of the evening, I assumed we would go home together... But then he told me that he preferred to just stay friends.

‘I really think you're great, but I have the feeling that you're looking for more. If that's the case, we might as well stop, because more than friends is really not in the cards for me.’ I could have cried. I said it didn't matter, that it was all fine and that being friends would work for me too. That was four years ago now and we have really remained friends. In fact, we have only become better friends.

And I had hoped that my feelings would lessen, but that is not the case... Over the years, I have only found him more attractive. Last year we went on vacation with a group of five and I noticed that I still had some hope that something would happen. I know everything about his other flings because he is very open about that, and I have had sleepless nights when it got a bit more serious with one of them.

The worst part is that he has no idea. We have become a very close-knit group of five and he has no idea that I am head over heels in love with him. Of course, he notices that I don't really date much or never kiss a guy, but he thinks I'm just picky — that's always the excuse I give.

Esmee recently asked me if I still have feelings for Daan. She found it quite noticeable that when I went out drinking with her alone, I always left early and often canceled, but when Daan was around, I was the last to go home (or until he left) and never missed an evening. Even with our weekend away, I actually wasn't going to go, until Daan could come last minute and I decided to go after all.

I know she is right and that this is all very transparent of me. I just hope that Daan doesn't realize it. I told Esmee that we are really just friends, but I can tell she doesn't completely believe me. I have since given up hope that it will ever become something real between us, but I so hope that these feelings will eventually lessen.’

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Nikki, Daan, and Esmee have been changed.