Real life: ‘I didn't know I was pregnant’

Marleen (24) has been living on her own again for two years now. Before that, she temporarily lived with her parents again, with her now five-year-old daughter. Marleen was a teenage mother, unplanned. She didn't know she was pregnant until the moment she had to give birth.

‘When I was eighteen, I had been together with my then-boyfriend for a year and a half. I had been on the pill since I was fourteen, but I wasn't always very strict with it: sometimes I took two in a day if I had forgotten one the day before. Or I started my break week earlier. I thought that wouldn't really do much harm, and I felt I was reasonably responsible about it.

But when I had to take antibiotics and was suffering from quite a bit of diarrhea, it never occurred to me that my pill might not be working properly. My parents, with whom I have a good and open relationship, didn't point that out to me either. I had sex with my boyfriend twice that week, and apparently, one of those times was successful. I'm not completely sure about that, but it seems the most obvious.

I became pregnant. Without me knowing. It's difficult to calculate exactly back, although they suspected in the hospital that my daughter was born a bit too early. I was home alone and was in agony from the stomach pain. I took a warm shower, thinking that might help, but I couldn't stand up straight anymore. In a panic, I called my mother — who was at work at the time — and said that I really wasn't feeling well.

She heard in my voice that I meant it and came home as quickly as possible, she said. Afterwards, she immediately called my father, who also arrived. He got there even before my mother and found me curled up on the couch. He took me straight to the hospital and was completely in a panic. I could hardly talk anymore from the pain and was terrified: what was wrong with me? An appendicitis? Something was definitely very wrong.

When the nurse told me that I was dilated and about to give birth, I was completely in shock. Even now, I can hardly remember it. I was kind of numb from the pain, and the words didn't register. How could I be pregnant? My father immediately said that this must be a misunderstanding, but no… An hour later, my daughter was there.

In hindsight, there were of course signs: I had gained a little weight, but not much. I had been paying more attention to my diet and exercising more, but those kilos stayed. Of course, I found that strange, but I hadn't considered the possibility of being pregnant at all. I was taking the pill continuously, so not getting my period didn't alarm me.

And yes, I also drank throughout my entire pregnancy. Fortunately, I didn't smoke, but yes, a 19-year-old girl just starting college drinks quite a bit. Thank God Emily, my daughter, hasn't been affected by that. And yes, as cliché as it sounds: I can't imagine life without her now.

Her father, my ex, was just as shocked as I was. Unfortunately, he turned out to cope with it less well than I did. Of course, this wasn't planned, but she was here now, and I would take responsibility for her. I dropped out of my studies, but I am currently doing a home study. Yes, my student years have passed me by, but I don't mind that. I have a very different life than I had imagined, but I wouldn't want it any other way now.’

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Marleen and Emily have been changed.