Real life: “My pregnancy was not as accidental as he thinks”

Malou (29) and her boyfriend Danny have been together for less than a year, yet they are already expecting a child. A surprise for Danny, but what he doesn't know is that this was not the case for Malou.

‘My desire to have children has always been very strong. I used to announce that I wanted to become a mother early, preferably before I turned twenty-five. But that turned out differently... I haven't really had luck in love, I think. During my student years, I didn't meet any boys who were looking for a serious relationship. They only wanted casual flings and no commitments.

My wish to become a mother before I turned twenty-five would absolutely not come true, I realized that quickly. I studied in Amsterdam and stayed there afterward, but I didn't meet the right man. Two years ago, I decided to approach it differently: I started swiping on Tinder and Happn. Not necessarily because I wanted to fulfill my desire for children, but mainly because I was really ready for a nice relationship. That was already four years ago, and it only lasted half a year.

With Danny, I swiped right immediately when I came across him on Tinder. And luckily, he did the same for me: it was a match. He started the conversation, and soon we had a date planned for two days later. A drink on Saturday afternoon turned into dinner, and afterward, we ended up at the pub until late. A pretty successful date, you could say.

My feelings for Danny developed very quickly, faster than for him, I think. Maybe I'm just blinded by the complete picture I see in front of me: him and me, with a baby in our own little apartment. I wasn't on contraception, as I didn't have such a wild sex life, and I didn't want to be on the pill or an IUD in case I met the one.

I told Danny that contraception wasn't necessary because I have PCOS, a hormonal disorder. That's not a lie, but the extent to which I suffer from it... I haven't been completely honest about that. I told Danny that the chance of me getting pregnant was almost nil. And he believed me. After being together for four months, it turned out I was pregnant.

A huge shock for Danny, and somewhat for me as well. I really didn't expect it to happen so quickly. A bit naïve, perhaps. And yes, I wanted children so badly, but after such a short time, I really didn't see it coming. I hear so many girls around me who don't have PCOS and where it can take a long time. I actually assumed that would be the case for me too. Because of my PCOS, but also because it doesn't happen very often that it happens so quickly.

Telling Danny was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Also because I feel guilty about how it happened. I haven't been completely honest, of course. And I knew how he felt about it: he wanted to wait. Four months is just very quick. Too quick, our surroundings thought as well, and Danny didn't have the most ideal reaction. He stormed out of the house in shock, he told me later. It took him about a month or two before he could be somewhat happy about it, which I found very difficult.

But at the same time, I was so happy. My dream came true. Of course, I never thought for a second about terminating it, and Danny quickly agreed with that. He is four years older than me and also has a desire for children. That it was happening so quickly, he certainly didn't expect. But gradually he is getting used to the idea. He sometimes questioned the fact that I accepted it so quickly. I understand that. In hindsight, I should never have lied about the seriousness of my PCOS. I just can't turn that back and try to focus on the most important thing and what makes me the happiest: our baby on the way.

I am now almost in my third trimester. I've had a lot of pregnancy complaints, nausea, fatigue... But I didn't care about any of it: I know what I get in return. When we found out about my pregnancy, we weren't even living together yet. Now we have a little house in the North and the nursery is ready. It's going to be a girl, and I really can't wait for her to arrive.

I do think it will be exciting when our daughter is born. It's all happening very quickly for Danny, understandably, and getting used to the idea of becoming a father is still quite difficult. I always talk to him about how I find it hard to get used to as well. That it was a shock for me too. He must never know that it wasn't the case at all.’

In this unusual time, we asked people to share their honest story. To avoid hurting others, the names of Malou and Danny have been changed.