The scientific reason why we share secrets

People who gossip often would be happier, I once read. I believe that, because gossip brings people together. Sharing secrets with another person, then.

Your friend has stopped taking the pill, your sister is cheating with her boss, your colleague uses drugs every weekend. Why is it that we find it so hard to keep juicy secrets, whether about ourselves or others? Why do we spill everything straight to our best friends, our mother, or our partner? Because you hear it so often, and I hear myself say it quite often too: ‘Well, you can't tell anyone, but omg, listen for a moment...’

You want to share a juicy story with others because it makes you more social, and we humans are social animals by nature. I think it's very natural that you can't keep a juicy story to yourself, because you want to ‘score’ with this news. You want others to be impressed by YOUR anecdote. That friend finally pregnant after two years of trying? Before you know it, you blurt it out at home, even though it wasn't supposed to be shared yet. Psychologists know it's not strange: everyone does it, to a greater or lesser extent. It's in your social nature: you want to be liked. And whoever has a good gossip has a good conversation, a story, something interesting. And suddenly, it doesn't matter much that it should remain a ‘secret‘. You often justify it to yourself: ’Oh, I'm only telling that one friend. That should be okay.‘ But yes, there's always something.

Psychologist Andreas Wismeijer specializes in secrets and explains why we share everything so quickly: ‘That's because you possess information that is special. And people like to show others that we are special by coming up with information that the other doesn't know. This creates a bond between you and your friends or family. It underscores your position in the group; it shows that people trust you.’ And it shows that if you know someone else's secret, you are worth hearing something interesting. And if you reveal your own secret, you just want to come across as interesting. Did you do something naughty or very exciting? You want to brag about it.

So we all do it, and it's understandable from a psychological perspective. Whether it's smart to do is another question. Ultimately, it can backfire on you, because sharing someone else's secret is, of course, not very nice. The truth usually comes out. And then trust is damaged, and there's a good chance you won't hear your friend's secret next time. Research shows that we have and share the most secrets about sex and relationship problems.

Wise advice from my side? Knowing as little as possible means being able to cause as little damage as possible. So that's why I say: know little and keep the biggest secrets of your very best people around you truly secret. Because telling that one juicy story is not worth a big fight with your best friends and family, right?

Source: RTL News