The storylines from Gossip Girl that we don't understand a bit of

Last Monday, we were briefly made happy with a completely dead bird, when Ed Westwick, also known as Chuck Bass, made an announcement on Instagram. He posted a photo with ‘XOXO’ and wrote that he had big news the next day. And that big news was... Well, not so big. Minuscule, actually. Even worse: it had nothing to do with Gossip Girl at all. What the hell, Eddie? He announced on Tuesday that he would be selling face masks with ‘XOXO’ on them. Who is waiting for that? NO ONE. Who is waiting for that reboot of Gossip Girl? Everyone. What a disgrace.

But because of that announcement, I was completely back in Gossip Girl and I watched a few more episodes. And as with so many series that you watch for the thousandth time, there are always things that suddenly stand out to you. Well, I can tell you: I noticed a lot. And I have serious doubts whether the writers of Gossip Girl realized in the last seasons that they were writing a series about teenagers. Or did they have a couple of thirty-somethings in mind instead? Really, those storylines that passed by... Really delicious, but some are just so extra. I made a little list of plotlines that were really happening in Gossip Girl.

1. When Chuck Bass became the owner of an exclusive nightclub aka gentleman's club at the age of sixteen. How then? He wasn't even legally allowed to order a beer for another five years. HOW THEN.

2. When Serena's mother ensured that her former teacher ended up in prison because he was flirting with Serena (and Serena could go to private school Constance Billard), and that he — when he was released — started a relationship with that same Serena. Are we still following? No, exactly, me neither.

3. When Serena's aunt (many of these bizarre storylines do relate to Serena) hired an actress to play her niece, who then flirted with various exes of Serena's mother Lily. Even Serena's father succumbed to her charms.

4. Bart Bass, Chuck's father, who wasn't actually dead. And who had a relationship with Diana Payne, who pretended to be Chuck's mother. But she wasn't.

5. When Serena's father pretended that her mother had cancer. He thought this was an extremely suitable plan to steal her away from Rufus.

6. When Blair had a relationship with a prince, Louis. That in itself was already a separate storyline, but that the same prince paid a therapist to drive Chuck crazy...

7. When Chuck made an agreement with his cousin that he could have sex with Blair in exchange for a hotel.

8. When Dan was still in high school and still managed to get an article published in The New Yorker.

9. That Rufus and Lily have a son and from the moment they find out about this, we never see that whole son in the series again.

10. THAT DAN IS GOSSIP GIRL. Biggest. Plothole. EVER.