Astrophobia: do you also get so scared of the universe and space?

Just serious talk: I've been in an existential crisis for a week. And yes, laugh all you want, but I'm dead serious. On Sunday night, I watched the movie Interstellar (for the first time, yes, I was late to it) and then didn't sleep the whole night. It was a kind of mix of brooding and complete fear. I find the universe and space really so mega scary. And you can (or well, I can at least and I hope I'm not the only one here) brood for hours, days, months and still not find an answer. Because there isn't one. What is outside the universe? It is now known that the universe is continuously expanding... But expanding to where? And what is outside that universe? Is there another universe? But eventually, that must stop too, right? Do you then hit a wall or something? And what is behind that wall? There can't be nothing, and if so: isn't nothing also something? I. Am. GOING. CRAZY.

So I immediately started looking for solutions, because these issues often bother me, but then I usually don't go watch a movie that brings me into a downward spiral. That was awkward. But anyway, I ordered two books by Stephen Hawking; you know, probably the most famous scientist (after Einstein?) who unfortunately passed away from ALS in 2018. Now, I'm not so arrogant that I genuinely thought I could understand his material, but luckily he also wrote two books for the larger (somewhat simpler than him) audience: ‘A Brief History of Time’ and ‘The Answers to the Big Questions’. Into the virtual shopping cart with them, and thanks to the Select option from Bol, I received them the same day (it was already half past four in the morning). There was a need for it.

Until the time those books arrived, I had a few hours left (sleeping wasn't going to happen anymore) to delve into this. Is that fear normal? That I can seriously lie awake at night purely because of brooding over what exactly is outside our Earth — our small, insignificant globe — and wanting to understand it? Luckily, I then came across Astrophobia, or a fear of the universe, space, and everything related to it. This fear is also characterized by its irrational and intense nature, and I now count myself among that.

If I have given you a panic attack with this: I'm sorry. But maybe a comfort: you are really not alone in this. Luckily, this fear is very normal, and it is also normal to wonder how it is. Often, this is accompanied by questions about death: does life even have meaning? You work your whole life only to die on this small globe, which means exactly nothing when you add everything up in the universe. The not knowing of things (what is there after death? Where does the universe end? What was there before the Big Bang?) causes unrest and fear, and that is very logical.

So no, having a form of astrophobia is absolutely not true. And I have to be very honest with you: I am really addicted to Stephen Hawking's books. You really learn so much from them (and that says someone who barely passed math and physics) and it is written in a way that you actually understand it.

Does it make me a bit calmer? Yes. But not really. A universe where time did not exist (as was the case before the Big Bang) is a concept that my small brain just refuses to understand. Why the universe has four dimensions and not five I now understand, and also why two dimensions wouldn't work.

So if you have even the slightest interest (or fear) in this: get these books. Or start a discussion group with me to brood over these things together. Something with shared sorrow. That works too.