Dating like the New York woman?

In a past life — at least that's how it feels — I was dancing in New York City in my high heels and little black dress. Oooh, doesn't that sound wonderfully glamorous? It was February 2020, which actually isn't that long ago, but just before shit hit the fan and corona took over our lives. Ah, good times.

Going out in New York is already quite an experience on its own. The clubs (especially the rooftop bars, that view never gets old) are definitely next level compared to those in the Netherlands. Well, that also has a bit to do with myself, considering I spent my student years mostly at Bubbels and Het Feest van Joop in Amsterdam.

Another little difference with the Netherlands is that I went out there with promoters. A concept I think I will never fully understand, especially since it's not really a big thing in the Netherlands. The idea is simple: a promoter ensures that there are women in the club. They come in with that group of women, get assigned a table, and there are free drinks all night long.

For me and my travel companions, this was a very nice outcome, because New York is already expensive enough and this way you also get to meet people. And so it happened that one of our nights out, I started chatting with three girls who were curious about what life in Amsterdam was like. And I, in turn, of course, wanted to know what it's like to live in The Big Apple.

It went wrong pretty quickly: girl number one said she wasn't really into going out, but she was having a fight with her boyfriend so she was going for it. Okay, fair enough: getting rebellious when you're angry, been there, done that. The reason for the fight completely escaped me (he had a funeral and hadn't been in touch all day. Yeah, how dare he?), but I was also surprised by the whole relationship.

She asked if I was single and when I said I was, I got some dating advice. This is how she snagged her current boyfriend: make sure your potential partner buys you an expensive item as soon as possible, like a designer bag. The more expensive, the better. That way, the person has invested a lot in you and won't just dump you, because that would be a waste of money.

Furthermore, she told me that I should NEVER accept it if a date doesn't pay the bill for me. Not on the first date, and not even if you've been in a relationship for years. Women shouldn't pay for themselves, because that would imply that you're not worth it, or — even worse, the horror — that you can take care of yourself.

And if you get into a fight, like this girl did, you should block someone and only start a conversation again after a week. And stay angry until you get an item of your choice to make up for it.

You understand: I felt like I had landed in the New York of 100 years ago. I'm so curious if this is really standard, but the two girls who were nodding intensely while listening to this story and interjecting with things like “that’s right” and “oh my God, of course” made me a bit worried.

And you also understand: I'm going to let this dating advice pass me by. I'm really clueless when it comes to dating, so any other advice is always welcome, by the way.

PS. When I told her that it's very common in Amsterdam to split the bill or even treat your date, it was clear to her: “okay so I’m never going to Amsterdam, this is SO weird to me.” Same girl, same.