How do you write an In Memoriam?

Family and friends always know how to find you when you are the writer of the posse. Just like me. That's why I often quickly (which it never is) read a press release more than is healthy, write speeches, check texts for social media, and I can't get away with a simple ‘Love, Adeline’ when I send a card from my vacation address. There has to be at least something witty or otherwise ingenious on it. But last week I wrote an In Memoriam for the first time. And that was special and difficult at the same time. If you get this honorable task, because it is, then I have tips for you so that you can find your words.

1. Map the relationships
The person you are writing about may be a friend or a grandfather to you, but he or she is so much more. A loved one, a father, a brother, or a neighbor. Ask the survivors what the person you are writing about meant to them. It is often so much more than you already thought.

2. Ask them very specifically
By asking for a wise piece of advice or a quote from the person you are writing about, you beautifully bring out a personality. Do this from everyone. You will hear the most beautiful pieces of advice.

3. Gather memories
These are the stories you want to tell each other and that you recall together after a death. Bring a piece of story through an In Memoriam each time, so all survivors recognize something of themselves.

4. Write it down in keywords
First, make an overview of what you want to say in what order, shuffle quotes and beautiful stories, that already forms a large part of your In Memoriam.

5. Read it out loud
In your emotion, you can sometimes lose the thread in a story. By reading it out loud to yourself and to someone who knew the person, you make it stronger. You hear what doesn't flow well and can ask if something is incomprehensible.

6. You can't do it wrong
This might be the most important thing to remember when writing an In Memoriam. You do it to commemorate the person you loved and have. It can only come straight from your heart, and what comes from your heart is never wrong.

And one last tip: ask someone who writes or speaks a lot for help, they can often help you present or articulate it beautifully.